Base Urges

I enjoyed my Master’s texture challenge the other night even if it was less show and tell and more hide and seek inside my cunt at the time. It was interesting to focus on a different kind of feeling for once when masturbating and concentrate on tactile sensations rather than just the sensation of fullness.

This different focus kept me on my toes nicely to stop myself falling into my old bad habit of rushing orgasms when I masturbate so they don’t really satisfy me properly. Like snacking mouthfuls as you pass the fridge fills your stomach up but doesn’t engage or satiate your brain’s hunger, my tendency to come almost for the sake of it is wasteful.

That kind of functional orgasm does nothing for me. It doesn’t turn me on, it doesn’t help me sleep and it gives my sex drive the same sickly feel as eating too many sweets or snacks between meals. In a long term relationship that makes me as bratty as I’m ever likely to get but in my single days it lead to impulsive sexual decisions like being hopped up on sugar or food colourings from eating junk food.

One of the first things my Master did when he started training me was to regulate this tendency teaching to slow down and savour masturbating so I really got to know my body and feel the orgasms instead of the equivalent of bolting down the main course to get to dessert.

It really worked to focus me on his dominance and not my own flights of sexual fancy and  without being taught to pace myself and be less sexually superficial I would not have been able to submit to my Master properly or stretch myself as much as I have been. Psychologically I’d have lost my nerve if I’d rushed and physically it’s not a good idea to mix haste and large objects.

I haven’t been able to fuck properly for what feels like forever recently. First I was ill. Then that bout of bacterial vaginosis and the the antibiotics I took for it really knocked my cunt off course with it taking ages to get back to normal levels of lubrication. Then life has got in the way of seeing my Master or Princess to actually fuck and if that wasn’t annoying enough, my cunt now has thrush from the antibiotics. My body feels like one of those over stimulated toddlers that needs to sleep but forces itself to stay awake even though it’s miserable.

Some people just get really obviously horny when they go without sex. You know the kind that starts humping the furniture without totally noticing they are doing it? Other people use all that untapped energy to motivate them into other non sexual things like going running to burn off the frustration.

I get irritable and oddly un-sexual despite being incredibly frustrated and horny. It’s like if I don’t have sex I know I’m missing out on something but lose the ability to read the cue and just get grumpy and wound up emotionally while my cunt forgets to connect to my mind. I can’t tell if I’m tired, hungry, thirsty or horny until I’m reminded obviously like someone offers me a cup of tea or tells me to get on my knees for them.

I’m not sure why I’m so bad at translating my own bodily urges but it’s like I need constant reminders to work those almost primal muscles so they stay fit and active. I don’t really understand why my body’s response to a lack of things like food and sex in my day to life is to go into hibernation mode to wait out some kind of famine rather than actively seek out things that are essential bodily needs.

But I end up irritated and out of sorts but without the focus that I’m hungry or horny and need to go and do something about it. Instead I annoy myself with my bad mood and hope someone will offer me a sandwich or a threesome and then my brain finally makes the connection and starts communicating with my cunt or my stomach.

I’m in this stage at the moment but with the added frustration that my cunt is attention seeking in all the wrong ways and not welcoming the feeling of getting fucked. It’s like realising you are starving hungry and then discovering you can’t taste anything because you’ve got the cold.

If my body is forcing me to slow down so much my mind is starting to run away with itself  with ideas of submission to balance it out. I think I might have to ask my Master if he has any ways I can actively submit to him to keep me engaged but not likely to do something ill advised like fuck myself too soon out of frustration.

Only problem is that suddenly everything on that menu looks appetising to me. Now I know why women let men order for them…

Base Urges

Self Love

When Princess had things to celebrate this week and Sir wanted to mark the occasion with a little gift there was only one thing it could be. A beautiful glossy die cast Doxy all to herself. No more begging and borrowing mine as reward for good behaviour but her very own toy any time she wants.

She almost succumbed to the temptation to use it then and there before dinner but she delayed the gratification which impressed my Master (and me) no end. It does mean we get to try my Master’s idea of blindfolding her and seeing if she can tell the difference between my Doxy and the die cast version to prove her wand slut credentials once and for all.

But it also made think how different Princess and I are when it comes to masturbation. She loves it as much as fucking, treating it variously as pure enjoyment, self care and foreplay on a regular basis to the point I can almost always guess when she might be masturbating when she’s alone (although she usually surprises me with the number of times she manages to make herself come.)

I, on the other hand, very rarely masturbate especially for myself. I do enjoy masturbation when it is part of my training and submission to my Master or to prepare me for Princess. But I honestly can’t remember the last time I masturbated on my own terms. This is isn’t just because I’m so obedient to Sir’s orders but because it’s never really been my thing.

Before I started actually fucking I did masturbate to distract me from incredibly ridiculously horny all the time I felt as a teenager. I’d probably have done a lot better in my maths GCSE if I hadn’t spent as much time playing with myself when I should have been revising but as soon as I discovered cock in real life masturbation very much fell out of fashion in my world.

Given the choice between making myself come or finding a cock that could, I always picked the cock even if it meant getting dressed, going out and listening to a lot of small talk along the way. Maybe it was laziness or the lack of sex toys in my life at the time but I never looked forward to masturbation as an event in itself.

Even now it seems like second or third best to me and I can’t imagine just masturbating because I’ve got twenty minutes spare or need to get to sleep or had a stressful day. Instead of switching my brain off to concentrate on myself like that, it seems to send me more into myself in an unhelpful way and I find it surprisingly difficult to let go into an orgasm.

Focusing on someone else however relaxes my mind and my cunt completely and makes masturbation into something else entirely. Kind of a combination of enjoyment, performance and pleasure that really turns me on because it gives the other person the opportunity to masturbate too.

There’s something utterly glorious about that thought that makes my stomach pinch in pleasure and my cunt stretch open in anticipation. It’s my kind of audience and knowing I’ve got the feedback of turning someone else switches my brain off and turns me on like nothing else.

Maybe I just need to start asking my Master for permission to play more often and see if I can time it to when Princess is using her new Doxy since that won’t be as infrequent as I am….

Self Love

Meet Me

I met my Master at the tail end of a gruelling year in many ways from a bad break up with an ill advised boyfriend, family issues and two close friends almost dying. Plus for added cliche I had had a wobble about why I wasn’t married and having babies in my mid thirties as that seems to be last acceptable point at which to be single and childless without being seen as desperate or having missed your chance somehow.

In lieu of finding anyone who agreed with my seemingly outlandish idea that relationships didn’t require marriage, babies or mortgages to validate how serious they were I was having a clandestine affair with a married man I knew through work. Being someone’s mistress seemed like the best compromise between not settling down in the suburbs and my temptation to never date again out of sheer bloody mindedness.

In the middle of this I went to a friend’s wedding and met my Master. I don’t remember how we were actually introduced out of all the people there when I knew no one except the bride and he wasn’t actually meant to be there having only stepped in a plus one to help out a friend.

This slight lapse means that my first impression of my Master was thinking he’d be absolutely filthy and that I’d very very much like to fuck him. My second impression took months to actually work out but right from the start he calmed me down. My usual cunt first think second self would have pursued a quick fuck with him and probably still sat down in time for dinner never to see him again.

Instead he got me to behave immediately and actually consider for once that fucking and running wasn’t a good idea (especially since I’d already fucked the married man earlier that day.) Instead we flirted all evening and by text for several months, meeting once more for a drink but nothing more.

I couldn’t read the situation as it was unlike anything else I was used to. It was like he was setting a pace and instead of being bored by a lack of fucking I was enjoying the chase. It was a full three months before things progressed from potential pleasantries into perverted fun.

In the space of about twenty minutes texting one evening just before Christmas we discussed kink and I had my hand down my knickers for him greedy for the pay off of all those months of waiting.

But it wasn’t quite as simple as it sounds. My cunt loved the idea of being told what to do but my heart and mind wasn’t so sure about being controlled. I was in the process of stepping away from people who felt entitled to control my life and I was cynical about walking towards someone saying they wanted me to obey them from the outset.

I don’t know if my Master sensed just how skittish I was about trusting anyone at this stage in my life or if he just assumed that I was being cautious about committing to kink. But he went very carefully introducing just enough moderation to each filthy text based task to make sure I had to obey each stage to get my rewards from him without barking orders at me that would make me bolt.

He offered me the full D/s relationship up front or a fling if I preferred and unable to trust my own judgement after a lifetime of bad judgements with men I opted for the latter not realising he was training me from the very outset.

The first time we fucked he left work early after I gave him my address and left my front door open so a man I’d met twice could let himself into my house and find me waiting for him with my fingers in my cunt. In that moment he proved to me that he would not misuse the trust I was putting in him.

For the first time I understood that introducing a power dynamic to a relationship didn’t mean only one person had power but that it was shared. That you can’t have dominance without willing and active submission and anything else is an abuse. I had always been led to believe that to want to submit was somehow weakness on my part and an excuse to misbehave on other people’s but here was a man who valued that submission.

It was incredibly hot. I don’t think I’d ever had as many orgasms as in that first six months that my Master was training me. But I also found it incredibly challenging. Considering how naturally it came to me to submit, it was an active effort to keep trusting and believe that the developing relationship was genuine.

The hardest part for me was that my Master never gave me any reason to doubt or distrust him and so I knew all that fear and hesitation was coming entirely from me and my baggage and that the only way for me to get past it was to outrun it. If I’d discussed it with my Master I knew I’d just be bringing a different edition of the same shit with me in my head.

Instead I kept going to see my therapist and concentrating on being so present in my submission I didn’t have room to carry anything else with me in my head that distracted from it. I didn’t imagine where the relationship was going or what it meant for the future (possibly a bit too much so I didn’t quite realise what the offer of the collar really meant from him at the time.)

I was just sure there would be a moment when the submission and my ability to trust would feel equally easy and create an equilibrium and I’d know that that shit was in the past rather than trying to muscle in on the present all the time.

And I was right. That moment was actually the first time my Master introduced Princess and I in our first threesome when I went from thinking ‘what if?’ as if looking back about everything he instructed me to do and started thinking ‘why not?’ as if looking forward. That  moment I began to trust myself as much as I trusted him.

Being my usual slightly slow self it took me a while to see the emotional significance of the particular moment but now makes perfect sense. I can’t imagine a relationship with my Master without Princess and vice versa but at the time I simply couldn’t believe how different my life was in the space of a year with my Master being so patient with me.

Turns out you can do a lot when you trust the right person to make decisions for you….

Meet Me

Oh Her Knees

Princess loved getting her nails painted last week and not just because I kept her from any bratty fidgeting by licking her cunt til she came. She definitely liked having perfectly painted nails to catch her eye during the week and remind her of my tongue each time.

So I wasn’t that surprised she asked me to paint her nails again this weekend. I took the opportunity to take charge and choose a beautiful glossy red polish that just screams slutty and sexy.

She sat so nicely with her hands out on the table making sure she followed her orders with each finger and thumb that I couldn’t help but reward her again with an orgasm while her nails dried. Such a good girl keeping her hands clear while fucking my face with her greedy cunt and then standing up when told so I could dress her again.

I wasn’t going to but to add temptation to the whole thing, I added a top coat to make Princess’s nails look particularly perfect and keep her still for longer. I sat back down on the sofa and sneakily cheekily flashed my cunt at her knowing she’d struggle to resist.

Lying back I watched as she knelt down in front of me holding her hands very carefully behind her back angled toward my pussy. Seeing my bratty girlfriend being so obedient went straight to my cunt and I was very happy to give her permission to use her tongue to find out just how wet I was.

Princess loves licking cunt anyway but I’ve never seen her like this before lapping and licking so eagerly she was bent forward barely able to balance with her hands behind her back and pressing her face further into my clit to hold herself up. It made me think what fun that spreader bar I bought a few weeks ago was going to be.

I let her make me come once in that position and then I allowed her to place her hands carefully on the tops of my thighs so that as she leaned forward she pulled my legs open even further to practically fuck my cunt with her whole mouth. All I could see when I glanced down was blonde hair and bright red nails against my pale skin.

I can’t remember if she made me come twice or three times but all I know is that I’ve never come from oral sex that way before. She left me so orgasmed out all I could do was lie on the sofa and smile at her still kneeling there like a very good girl….

Oh Her Knees

A Little Buzz

I know I said I’d been having a bad patch recently but when my Master messaged me at the weekend asking what I was up to I decided it was worth exhausting myself to see what he had in mind. I hadn’t had an orgasm since I’d last fucked him a few weeks ago and I’d spent to night before face first in Princess making me incredibly horny.

Knowing I need a little help at the moment, he ordered me to use the Doxy but this time instead of simply sliding it into my stretched cunt and lying back I was to ride it like a cock. Seeing as my Master was the man to convert me to fucking on top after years of those men who lie there immobile while you fuck him til your thighs burn only for them to stop straight after they come, my ears pricked up at this order.

I liked the idea of seeing how much deeper I could take the Doxy this way and practising leaning into the power of its vibrations and finding out how holding still versus fucking myself against it worked. But my Master never likes to let me go at my own pace.

Even when I’m masturbating I have to prove my submission to him by focusing my pleasure to his orders and enjoyment. To some people that might sound constricting but to me it literally opens me up both physically and mentally. Submission to his domination is an immediate turn on for me even if he isn’t physically present.

He had me slide the Doxy into me and slide it in and out of my cunt slowly and steadily on the lowest setting for ten minutes making sure I didn’t come under any circumstances. I felt a little bit tight by my standards but some generous lube had the toy slipping inside and feeling myself actually stretch open in the process.

I love that feeling more than anything else as my cunt literally comes to life wrapping itself around a huge toy or Sir’s cock or Princess’s fingers. It’s like a moment of sexual energy that brings the horny feelings in my mind and body together and turns thoughts into intentions. As soon that sensation happens I know my body is working with me and it’s going to be pure pleasure.

I started myself off gently running the Doxy for a minute stationary in my cunt feeling that shiver and shudder of getting turned on and then I started sliding the toy in and out, pushing it in as deeply as comfortable and pulling it out so that the widest point stretched me wide to the point of pleasure-pain.

It didn’t feel like ten minutes as time stood still while I was so focused on the sheer enjoyment so it’s just as well my Master texted me at exactly ten minutes to remind me that I needed to pay attention to my orders. I was up on my knees, rocking against the Doxy like a huge cock almost instantly.

I turned the speed up just as my cunt got greedy before stopping and staying still so that the toy and the vibrations filled me up. It felt so good I had to put my hands on the bed to steady me and seeing the wand moving in my cunt with only my muscles holding it place made me want more.

Sir had given me orders to come three times around the Doxy without switching it off or stopping. The first came as I put it on full speed and leaned into it brushing my fingers across my clit piercing exploding into an orgasm so intense I couldn’t tell if it was lube or me ejaculating dripping down the toy.

Riding the Doxy

The second orgasm was still on my knees pushing against the Doxy and pulling it out my cunt to that widest point that makes me feel filled and fulfilled in equal measure. It was so strong the bed seemed to tilt as I went a bit wobbly with intensity. The third orgasm came easily was I rolled onto my back and my legs pulled up into the air with the toy buried as far as possible in my exhausted cunt.

No sooner had I lifted my phone to thank my Master for the orgasms and describe them to him than he pushed me further by changing the order to five orgasms without switching the wand off. There was no chance in hell I could have taken another moment of those vibrations let alone another orgasm.

All I could do was lie back with the Doxy on my thighs feelings the muscles in both my legs and my cunt twitch in exhaustion and pleasure feeling utterly fucked…

A Little Buzz

Colour Me Surprised

I really struggle with initiating sex. I’m never sure if that’s because I’m so sexually submissive or because I am terrible with initiating things generally or a mix of both. But even when I was practised at picking up men in bars and bringing them home, I’d always seem to fall at the hurdle of actually getting the sex started once we were there. Luckily most of them were horny enough to take charge and getting things going.

I’ve tried domming Princess on a few occasions and found it hot but incredibly hard work. My Master makes it look so easy to take control and be in charge but I find it challenging to both think of things to do and do them and make it flow easily no matter how much I want to fuck Princess.

Maybe I need more practice or to push myself more so I decided to try giving some orders on Saturday night when she and I were having dinner together. I’d made her envious and horny with my blue nail polish so it seemed a good idea to start with a non sexual order in telling her to put her hands out to paint her nails.

I am very methodical with my manicures so I kept her on her toes with orders to put her thumb out, lay her hands flat and wait between a base coat and two coats of that bright blue watching her squirm slightly brattily as I did.

Then I told her to stand up for me, hands in the air, and I slipped her shorts off so she was naked. Her order was to sit back down legs spread open so I could lick her cunt until she came and keep her from using her hands for mischief.

She didn’t need telling twice and she looked so good on my dining room chair smooth shaved cunt and swollen clit greedy for attention immediately. I enjoyed getting down on my knees in front of her and using my tongue and lips to make her come fucking herself against my face as she did.

The minute she’d come I ordered her to put her hands back on the table and finished her nails off with a top coat that meant she had to sit still and naked, cunt throbbing for me for a little bit longer.

I could get used to the effect that the power of orders have on her as well as myself. And I rather liked the matching nails too…

Colour Me Surprised

Dreams And Aspirations

Helmut Newton collar image

I’ve mentioned before that my favourite photographers are Helmut Newton and Guy Bourdin. I love their mix of sluttery, style and kink often hidden in plain sight to show off an ad for a suit or shoes. Even a smut-hound like me has often looked at those images and not seen the layers of objectification inherent.

That sense of objectification of women is of course the very reason some people don’t like this kind of photography because they say objectification is a negative. I suspect one of the differences between the kinky mindset and the non kinky one is the ability to see objectification in a wider context.

I know my Master sees me as a well rounded person. He knows my tastes in food and where I keep things in my house and sometimes pre-empts my reactions on things for me. I’ve loved seeing this side of our relationship develop and value it. But I also adore that in certain contexts he sees me as his sex toy and channels my inherent submissiveness  to use me as an object for pleasure and orgasms while never losing sight of my sense of self.

That’s why I can’t decide which of these Helmut Newton photos from a book I bought recently appeal to me more. Do I want to be collared on my knees for Sir or holding hands with Princess while it he makes one of us come? Luckily he gets to decide…

Helmut Newton submission

Dreams And Aspirations