Textures

Nothing has ever stood in the way of my sex life quite like having bed bugs (and apparently having hired the pest control equivalent of the Chuckle Brothers to sort the problem.) Months in and I now have no actual bed which cramps one’s style supremely.

I half joking tried using the Doxy while perched on this massive essentially balloon and the whole ‘on holiday but definitely not a sexy mini break’ vibe meant I just couldn’t get in the mood. It was as erotic as queuing for a shower at a campsite.

And then about 36 hours later to compound the saga, the seam popped on my airbed and I had to buy a new one. So be warned, the Doxy is so powerful it can break beds. I’ve put mine quietly away until I am more than 18 inches off the ground on a giant cushion just in case I burst it too and end up in A&E with an embarrassing tale to tell.

But worse than this, the constant bed bug siege means the bed, normally a place of rest and calm and enjoyment for me has become a battleground. I’m jumping at every piece of fluff, Sir has been bribed into doing manly acts moving the frame rather than manly acts to me on the frame and Princess is on bite watch. All of us are terrified of infesting their flat as well.

I’ve been getting naked as decontamination not foreplay and been terrified to go near their bed *just in case* but on Friday night Princess had a reason to be wearing latex panties and we realised that we were bed bug proofed in the hottest possible way allowing us to play while not undressing.

I put Princess on her hands and knees and ran the Doxy over her latex clad cunt and up and down her thighs and finally she got why Sir and I love the feel of it so much. This time the Doxy and the rubber worked to break Princess in all the best ways. The texture allowed the vibrations to pulse right through to her clit as I stroked and teased that soft sensitive skin right at the edge of the panties until she came hard and begging for even more sensation.

She’s rarely looked hotter than in latex with smoky eye make up and that look of utterly being undone by an orgasm she didn’t believe would happen. I love knowing her body better than her sometimes. It fills me with pure joy to give her that much pleasure.

And it made me ridiculous horny too. I was wearing a pair of jeans since right now I need clothes you can wash on 60 degrees to beat the bugs. No slinky skimpy lingerie for me at the moment. In fact I’ve become so dedicated to Sir’s order not to wear panties for him I didn’t even have them under my jeans.

Normally the seam on jeans makes them annoying to wear without underwear but right now having it press against my clit and rubbing against the Princess’s latex it was perfect. She was so wet I could hear the latex lubricating itself and I didn’t care if I left a wet patch on my own outfit.

She ran the Doxy over my cunt as she pulled the material up and down against my clit using fabric as much as a sex toy as the vibrator. And each time I squirmed hard enough to push to orgasm, she pulled the fabric as far from my cunt as possible to edge me.

And when I got a tiny bit bratty trying to pull the denim down again she pushed my hands over my head and since it was an evening about textures, she pulled her fishnet stocking off and tied me up with them.

Sir always wanted me to domme Princess but recently she’s discovered that I’m so naturally submissive that her taking control of me makes me even hotter for her and she very much likes telling me what to do. And as much as I love giving pleasure I’ve discovered that I love lying back and taking pleasure with no other distraction.

I was blissed out lying back and hands over my head and ready to be given pleasure like a the slutty version of a cat wanting to be adored when Princess stopped me zoning out by sliding my zip down and spanking my bare cunt.

She spent a while edging me back and forth, slap, smack, stop until I actually asked to come because I was so desperate to let go and just enjoy one of those orgasms that takes you right over with Princess’s hands on my bare skin and the Doxy pulsing against my swollen clit.

Definitely the most fun I’ve had with my clothes on for quite some time…

 

Textures

The Edge

I won’t lie. I haven’t been blogging much because I was distracted by some big old life stuff too but it’s mainly because my bed bug problem continues with seemingly no end in sight. Apparently the heatwave has caused an increase in them especially in London and mine have been compounded by a company who don’t know their arse from their elbow dragging out the treatment for weeks.

Not even my best flirting with workmen skills have helped this time because a) I can’t fuck a man who deals with wasps for a living without crying and b) no man wants to sleep with a woman who he knows has bed bugs. It’s the slutty customer service stand off. And it’s been miserable.

Princess reacts badly to the bites swelling up and itching and I’m also acutely aware of the risk of bringing them to her and Sir’s house. The things people do not mention in the peppy little articles about poly and safe sex. So while I’ve been seeing quite a lot of Sir and Princess, it hasn’t involved much time in bed.

Part of me has loved branching out into much more conventional ‘dating’ behaviours as a triad and I’ve enjoyed each trip to the park, dinner cooked, movie watched or night out but much as I like the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect of my relationship with them, I don’t want to  be just friends. I want to fuck them too.

So it all appeared to be back on track and Princess was ready to sleep over last week and took the opportunity to try the newly positioned bed (thanks to the bed bugs) out by tying my hands over my head and edging me for some time by slapping my cunt until I came in a squirming heap. But sadly it was her with the red marks when we’d finished not me and she had to go home leaving me to sleep alone.

But like when you allow yourself just one small taste of anything, it made me unable to keep pretending I wasn’t horny and I wasn’t missing our usual fucking habits. And I think it might have done the same to my Master and Princess because yesterday turned into all about orgasms.

Princess and I whiled a way a wait for Sir to get back from work with her capturing her enjoyment of giving me orders and controlling my orgasm again. She brought me so close to orgasm with some well placed spanks to my clit piercing I begged her to let come and then rewarded her with some undivided attention to her own clit until we were both in that state of ‘I might burst if I have another orgasm but I don’t want to stop.’

We hadn’t mentioned our greed to Sir instead sitting down to dinner when he got home and enjoying some good news but maybe he picked up the mood because instead of crashing out early after a business trip like he often does, he was in the mood to initiate orgasms.

He’s bought a pair of spectacular heeled platform boots and came into the living room to show me them. He’s a tall man anyway but in these he was towering over both us, legs for miles and cock enjoying the feel as much as Princess and I were. Almost 6 inches taller than normal, he had us take turns to kneel and suck his cock, gaining extra enjoyment from the extra effort it took both of us to reach it.

And that extra height made sucking cock all the more intense for me, slipping further down my throat than I can usually take. Princess’s deepthroat skills are second to none but mine are tentative to say the least. There’s always a moment I simultaneously think ‘oh yes’ and ‘I can’t’ and I lose my confidence and stop.

Sir pushed me hard last night with this point putting me on my hands and knees on the bed while he fucked my throat and pulled my hair and stroked my back and the pleasure/pain moment was even more overlapping than usual during deepthroat. I loved it and hated it and wanted more and wanted to stop. I wanted to please him and I wanted to fight him to get away.

But while my brain panics and my body isn’t sure, my cunt knows exactly how it feels with my clit being swollen under Princess’s fingers while Sir pushed my throat to its limits and I came for them both. I do so much love that extra edge pushing myself to submit adds to sexual acts for me.

And then I found the other aspect to my Master standing closer to seven feet tall than six feet. His cock goes even deeper into my cunt than before. Every time he fucks me I wonder if my cunt has a limit for cock and last night I realised once and for all, it doesn’t. There is at point at which his cock is too much. He fucked me harder and deeper than I think he’s ever done all balanced on high heels and it reduced me to such a cock slut I genuinely thought I was going to squirt from penetrative sex for the first time ever.

I actually didn’t really notice his orgasm or Princess’s orgasm I was so wrapped up in coming over and over again on him fucking me into a whole new level of cock worship. I love that feeling inside my cunt afterwards when you can feel just fucked you’ve been but last night I could feel it on the outside too.

The pleasure/pain of the whole evening continued every time I sat down or moved and felt the sexual equivalent of a well worked muscles and it sent a little shiver of enjoyment into my whole body with each reminder. I presume this what virtuous people feel when they hike high mountains and the body feels like muscle memory and achievement. I scale the heights of cock instead.

And best of all, Sir was all pleasure and no pain in his heels so hopefully he’ll be keen to use the boots to dom me into a greedy fuck toy again soon…

The Edge

Heating Up

I am usually a pale Irish person wrapped up in layers like a human onion and having a passionate affair with my electric blanket and revelling in cold weather. But I am absolutely loving this hot weather in London at the moment.

Normally hot weather gets me super horny and ready to reach for the ice cubes but I’ve been a bit distracted by the ongoing life admin of the last month and the my bed still isn’t quite ready for human visitors again sadly so my libido hasn’t reached quite the heights of the thermometer yet.

But I’ve been rediscovering the simple joys of spending times lying in parks in hot weather with people you want to fuck. There are few more enjoyable things than this for me. Something about the heat, the fact you aren’t wearing that many clothes and being relaxed and lazy creating both intimacy and the thought of fucking later. It’s such a rare pleasure in a climate like ours and I love that I’ve been able to do it so often this summer.

My Master and Princess and I made the most of Pride a few weekends ago lying in the park together after they were on their floats. We got delightfully tipsy and took advantage of the fact Pride is not only the day you can be openly LBGTQ+ in the city but openly polyamorous too. We could laze around all afternoon obviously touching each other like partners can do to show affection and ‘coupledom’ which otherwise might cause people to react strangely.

We made even more of it by walking hand in hand across the as the three of us to Vauxhall for a night out before coming home to fuck on the sofa, made horny by public shows of affection, vodka and how relaxed London is at Pride.

Princess sat astride me while I put the Doxy between my legs and fucked herself against it like the biggest cock possible while my Master watched us cock in hand and we all tumbled into bed sleepy with alcohol, orgasms and the heat. He was even hornier next morning with his hangover and fucked me so hard and deep for long I could feel it in my cunt for the rest of the day each time I moved position lying in the park again all day.

It reminded me of long hot summers when I was younger when heat made me seek out cock even more than my usual slutty self. There was the summer of 1995 when I had finished my GCSEs and Northern Ireland found peace for the first time. My shifts at a diner that opened til the wee small hours gave me ample opportunity to meet men all summer.

There were countless nights coming home in the broad daylight of dawn, knickers stuffed in my handbag after staring off drinking on sunny evenings and dancing indoors in the dark forgetting it would be bright again when you stumbled out the club or house party.

Then there were long afternoons in the park with the guy who would become my boyfriend where I pretended to be a good girl who would only let him put his hand down my bikini bottoms when he’d rolled me one of his excellent joints. I’d suck his cock in his baking hot bedroom with the windows so wide open the neighbours could probably watch and then do the same at work in the walk in freezer with the door propped open so anyone could have caught us.

Those long hot summers that feel careful and endless are perfect for fucking and I was lucky enough to get another one just after I moved to London. I seemed to spend the whole summer in a bikini top and a denim skirt that barely covered my ass soaking up the company of men who looked good with low slung jeans and no shirts on.

I kept my cunt shaved so the only bush in town was the ones I’d lie behind so one particular guy who liked the great outdoors could lie on his back drinking a beer and chatting casually with his friends while subtly stroking my cunt and making me come silently and secretly as if nothing was going on.

I also had a semi regular thing going with a beautiful man from Australia who seemed to bar tend in all the best dive bars and clubs under a railway arch over the city. I’d get a text telling me where every so often and turn up to avail myself of the free drinks he’d pour me until I was tipsy enough to follow his orders to flirt and dance with other men knowing it turned him on.

I’d be pressed skin to skin to a strange man feeling that frisson of heat and sweat in a confined space knowing that if I looked over the bartender would be watching me and his cock would be hard. We’ll fall in cabs after his shift and behave in disgraceful ways that Uber ratings have rendered impossible in 2018 but that got him well and truly ready to fuck all night.

But the best nights of that summer were with another semi regular fuck buddy who happened to live in the OXO Tower. I never established if he was lucky enough to have the coveted social housing in there or the sub-let of all time but high above the South Bank looking out over the shimmering heat and sparkling lights as the river reflected both back up again, it created a London bubble of misbehaviour I revelled in.

Tucked a few floors below the posh restaurant, barely visible from the street and with balconies big enough to keep the neighbours away, I spent more than one night there kneeling down, sucking his cock and staring up at the London scene around me. Other evenings we both stripped naked, drinking chilled white wine on the balcony and fucking.

I seem to recall losing a pair of panties over the side of the balcony on on occasion and walking home with a breeze up my skirt failed to curb my horniness or sluttiness. In fact thinking about it makes me think I need to up my slutty game this summer while the heatwave lasts….

Heating Up

Bugging Out

So I’ve been a bit quiet recently because life has just been throwing all kind of sex blocking stuff at me. Between exams, family crises, new jobs, old jobs that get busier, travel and deadlines, kink and fucking have had to step back slightly.

But nothing has fucked up my fucking habits quite like getting bed bugs. I defy even the horniest person on earth to feel frisky when you’ve got unwanted bedfellows. It is not the kind of action I want on my mattress trust me.

Poor Princess got bitten badly and put me on notice til I could get it sorted. We managed to fuck a few times on the sofa but even that wasn’t ideal. I might have a big sofa but it’s definitely a struggle to fit three people on it and move around too much.

People often talk about fucking in bed as if it’s boring and vanilla and interesting people fuck all over the land in increasingly wild and crazy places instead. Now we all know I like a changing room or two and there’s definitely fun in the exhibitionism and secrecy of an illicit fuck in a strange place on the odd occasion.

But having had a mis-spent and slutty youth, I mainly associate sex in strange places with bad sex. Being young and horny like many teenagers I had nowhere comfortable to fuck most of the time. The only beds I encountered were in student houses often bedrooms barely conducive to spending time in and heaped with coats with parties dodging getting caught by people looking for the lighter they’d mislaid.

And that was if you weren’t fucking in even stranger and more awkward places than that. Desperation and lack of opportunity drove me to have sex in more alleyways than I’d care to admit. There’s not much room for finesse when you are banging beside a wheelie bin. Nor do toilet cubicles lend atmosphere to the proceedings.

I’ve also fucked in the grounds of a church (in fact I think I’ve been non sectarian and managed to orgasm in the grounds of both a Protestant church and a Catholic chapel.) Being non religious the trappings of that never bothered me much. I just thought of them as fairly secluded places you didn’t always have to have sex standing up.

I felt more guilty about the time I fucked a guy in the grounds of an old folks home in case I accidentally gave someone’s granny the fright of her life. Keeping an eye on lights going on and genuinely getting splinters in my arse off the pine tree I was leaning against made that moment memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Teenage fumblings are fine when you’re drunk and horny but once you switch to have time and space for sex it’s revolutionary. Even a one night stand is improved by skin on skin contact rather than only being able to expose the bare minimum of flesh needed. Only being able to fuck standing up or bent over from behind gets restricting and often awkward if like me you are considerably shorter than most men.

Being able to sprawl out on a bed gives so many more opportunities and angles it becomes easy to take that for granted and think it’s being boring. But there’s such a joy in being able to fuck at a different pace each time and use your space to stretch out and get to know your partner’s body to give them the most pleasure possible and receive as much pleasure back as possible. It’s extremely tricky to lick cunt any other way.

Plus a bed you use frequently gives you scope for the use of toys. We have duplicates of our favourite sex toys at both our flats. But you can’t really carry a dildo in your clutch bag and get someone to use it on you when you climb over the fence into a park late at night. The same goes for lube which is of course essentially for things like anal or even giving a decent hand job.

You learn so much more about sex from spending time in bed and you also get to spend that post sex time too. I think you learn as much after fucking as during fucking. You can debrief, decide what to do next or not and simply get to know each other better so that there’s more understanding sexually or emotionally. Pulling your skirt down and your knickers up while looking for a bin for the used condom doesn’t have quite the same bonding experience.

So having my bed off limits and being terrified to infest my Master and Princess’s bed either really did a number on my libido. I found it hard to get quite as horny knowing the sofa wasn’t a fun choice but a necessity. Plus having bed bugs definitely made me feel more dirty than any STI I’ve ever had which crimps your style somewhat.

It was with utter joy this week that I handed over an eye popping amount of money to get my house professionally treated and get my sex life back. Because the best treatment for bed bugs is extreme heat I had to remove anything that might melt from my bedroom. The man on the phone instructing me specified candles and anything ‘hand held or battery operated’ in fact.

In between the sheer bizarreness of spending a good hour taking all my dildos and sex toys out of their box and wrapping them up in plastic bags to hide outside in my garden, my interest was piqued to revisit these old friends. I buffed my latex catsuit and stockings before hiding them too and then pictured wearing them again soon.

Putting the toys back in place, I found myself lining them up in size order and then switching them round to order of favourites before back to size order so I could ask Sir if I could start my stretching training again. It’s never a bad idea to keep your hand in. Especially when that means Sir can get his hand in again soon.

I’m delighted to have my bedroom back with nothing else in there except who I invite. Although funnily enough in all that time off I still didn’t christen my new carpet. Looks like my Master and Princess and I will just have to reacquaint ourselves with every room going…

Bugging Out

Working It

One of the many things I’ve learned by fucking Princess for almost two years is weirdly to appreciate men more. Because until I had a go at fucking someone else with a cock, I had no idea what hard work it is.

I sort of assumed it was similar to being fucked in that you could make it as energetic or not as you wanted but only when I first tried using a strap on on Princess did I realise it’s a world apart. There’s a lot more rhythm and angle skills going on required practise than I quite understood (blame this on me starting my fucking life with grown men and not teen boys still finding their way.)

And more than that, it takes core strength and stamina I had never imagined. How anyone with a cock fucks someone to orgasm was beyond mine. No wonder so many men like to lie back like a log in a wood you’ve been able to mount and let you fuck them on top without them moving. They need the rest.

Luckily Princess prefers my penetration of her to involve fingers so I’ve been able to skive off and save my muscles and the shame of having stop each time it gets good and starting to hit the spot and regroup. My version of nailing someone with my strap on is about as good as I am at banging actual nails in walls.

Princess however is getting seriously good with the double ended dildo (which reminds me to buy one for my flat too. You know a sex toy is good when you literally double up.) She’s developed quite the knack of fucking me to multiple orgasms with it. Her cunt is tighter so grips it better and my stretched cunt just loves any kind of penetration and gobbles up a good fuck.

We’d been playing with the double ended dildo when my Master was away recently and I’d absolutely loved her technique with it squirming and hoping it would make me squirt. Perhaps subliminally I’d left it by their bed when Sir got home. So when we all woke up from a little power nap feeling horny it was no wonder his eye lit on it.

He lay back cock in hand and ordered Princess to fuck me with the dildo while he watched. Once I was wet and wanting more, he lay over her and put his cock in her mouth as she kept fucking me. Her rhythm skills are definitely above mine keeping both cocks moving and happy as she was used by both of us.

Just as I was getting very into being fucked as she sucked, Sir sensed that I was being rather lazy and ordered me make more effort and start fucking Princess instead of making her do all the work. It felt hot to have my legs so open to slip the toy into her while she had her head thrown back swallowing Sir’s cock but it took me a while to find my stroke.

I had to fuck her cunt at half the speed my Master was fucking her throat but the problem was that doing it was making me so wet and turned on my cunt was even more stretched and open than usual and the dildo was hard to hold in place to keep going.

I need a double ended toy with a smaller size for Princess and the width and heft of the John Holmes for me. Why do all the double ended toys assume both users want the same dimensions as each other? And why so many toys designed to be held in the cunt not work with the wetness of a well lubricated one?

Whether you are fucking another woman or pegging someone, there are few things hotter and wetter to do but lubrication becomes your enemy with an in-cunt toy especially if you aren’t a very set size of tightness. I pouted and complained that my fun was being spoiled and Sir quite rightly punished me for my brattiness.

He took the toy out of my cunt and turned me onto my side on his cock and fucked me so hard I had to curl up in a ball as he held me against him, pulling my hair at the same time and shut me up with the skill of his stamina and rhythm. Princess kept the dildo in her cunt and pressed the Doxy against her clit watching us fuck.

I presume she came like the Doxy slut she is but I was distracted by my Master coming into me hard enough to make me do things I didn’t know my core muscles could do with a cock inside me either.

If he hadn’t made me come hard enough to lie down, I think I might have been tempted to use his come to see how it helped the double ended dildo hold in place in my cunt and see if I could give Princess another orgasm.

Definitely one to try in a future threesome once i’ve had time to practise my angles and abs more…

Working It

A Real Buzz

I like to think all my fears in life are completely rational. The Tory government, abandonment, stepping on the cracks on the pavement, all the usuals. But really I am lying to myself because my greatest fear in life is wasps. Which is completely irrational since they are small, I’ve never been stung and like the rest of wildlife in the UK they can’t kill you unless you have an allergy.

But I am terrified of them (and by extension bees because when I’m running in the opposite direction at hysterical speed they look like they might be wasps) and I even had hypnotherapy to deal with my phobia of them. I can just about tolerate them in their outside environment but in my indoor space, the freak out continues.

This generally makes me not a fan of summer. All that sun and sticky drinks are usually bad omens for my ability not to look like an arm flapping lunatic around people. But age must be mellowing me because I spent the evening with my Master and Princess on Friday with the windows open to embrace the warm weather and drinking a few ciders and not watching the window like a hawk.

So we were all in the perfect mood to have an impromptu threesome next morning. My Master hadn’t seen the pussy pump in person yet so it seemed a good time to use it on Princess as she sucked Sir’s cock. She squirmed with each pleasure-pain pump of it and each stinging slap of the paddle I was using on her bare ass too.

Her cunt was swollen and dripping wet and her eyes got that glazed look of horniness where all she wants is orgasms. Sir kept his cock in her mouth and slipped  two fingers into her cunt and one in her ass and brought her to the kind of writing gasping state of orgasms where you want to keep sucking cock but your mouth just falls open with pleasure and all you can do keep gasping in enjoyment and for a hard cock resting on your lips unable to do more.

Having left her in that state of sated but waiting more Sir started fucking her ass while I put a finger inside her. The feel of his cock in her ass determined the pace at which I fucked her cunt as we both filled her up and worked in tandem to turn her into a begging mess of horniness. Greedy slut that she is she asked for the Doxy as well and she came dripping my Master’s come out her ass and they both slumped on the bed looking very content.

I was incredibly wet from watching them fuck and Sir knew it, telling me to put the pump on my cunt for him so he could see the piercing in my clit rising and falling with each time he sucked the pump tighter on my cunt. I’ve enjoyed playing with that toy on my own but someone else dictating the pace made me ridiculously horny.

So when Sir ordered Princess to play with my clit while he watched, all I could do was lie back, eyes closed only aware of the work her fingers and tongue were doing. I came several times before the kind of final orgasm that lifts your whole body off the bed and made me feel like I would squirt from so much sensation and sexual pleasure.

It’s taken me a while to get the hang of just enjoying being fucked without feeling like I ‘owe’ someone pleasure in return. The fear of being bad in bed or a pillow princess made me often unable to relax in simply receiving pleasure and believing the person giving it was enjoying it as much as I enjoy giving my partner pleasure.

Lying in bed in a just fucked heap after our threesome I discovered just how far my ability to relax has come when my Master told me a wasp had flown into the bedroom while Princess was fucking me, done a loop of the room round us, gone back out and then returned for a second sweep all without me noticing. In fact I’d managed to orgasm while it was buzzing around.

I imagined Princess and my Master looking at each other thinking ‘fuck, sex is over if she sees this’ and then laughing at how much they must have been trying not giggle or draw attention to the interloper in the room.

I’ve rarely felt sluttier or more bisexual than at this moment. Discovering wasps are little voyeurs who like to watch threesomes helps make them less terrifying. And it turns out that  all I need to cure my phobia was getting fucked by my girlfriend while obeying the man who owns me’s orders. That’s my kind of exposure therapy for sure and the ultimate act of submission…

A Real Buzz

Monogamish

Half of me wishes I’d known all the words and terms for relationships involving more than one person years ago and half of me cringes hearing them now because I have never been a fan of anything with very strict social codes.

When I met my Master he told me that his relationship with Princess was open. In my experience this was usually just the thinking man’s version of ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ or ‘we aren’t having sex’. An ‘open relationship’ to many men seems to have mutated into ‘I’m open to do what I like but my partner doesn’t know and the same rules don’t apply to her.’

But my Master doesn’t do dissembling and it was clear quite quickly even after the effects of the free bar we met at had faded that he really was in an open relationship that had agreed and defined terms between him and Princess and he was not bullshitting me with a form of performance art as fucking.

Being staggeringly un-self aware at the time (to the point where I was wondered if I was aromantic) this was a real plus point for me as my first thought about this was since he had a girlfriend there was was no danger of him developing any emotions for me (or me for him…)

I had it neatly mapped out in my head that he and I would fuck until he was bored of me, I would never really think about his girlfriend and that being compartmentalised and formal was very grown up and mature because essentially I had no idea sex and affection could co-exist. I was thinking this was the way to have cake and eat it without realising the point of cake is for it to taste good rather than just look impressive.

I was so fearful of stepping outside that ‘cool girl‘ role I’d always ended up in in that and across as negative things like ‘needy’ or ‘clingy’ or jealous that it never occurred me that people like to feel needed or like you matter to them and that most people consider emotions the standard setting in relationships no matter how informal.

I think we all know how my plan worked out. Three years later I’m disappointed I couldn’t go to Ikea with him and Princess today because I had other stuff to do. Not even sharing a bed with both of them fairly often could quite convey how much my compartments turned into feelings and commitments to both of them.

For the first six months I was still fucking other people while seeing him and then he set boundaries about that alongside gifting me my collar and I was almost relieved by those rules. Having thought I never wanted to be ‘tied down’ to be claimed felt reassuring and I had little desire to fuck anyone (except Princess on his say so.)

Branching back out into sex with other men under his orders a few months later surprised me in how uncomfortable it felt. It was like putting on an item of clothing you once loved to find it was out of fashion even though it still fit and you felt like a previous version of yourself in it. I felt strange mentioning it like going from being the slutty no boundaries fun time girl who had agreed to openness  now wanting to close things on her part was somehow reneging on my part of the deal.

A bad date ended up saying it for me and the subject of other people didn’t really come up again. I was surprised when Sir showed little interest in sex with anyone else and wasn’t sure how I’d feel if Princess wanted to date but at the same time I was aware that while I’d changed the dynamic of their marriage in some ways it wasn’t my call to make on how open they were within that.

People who love terms like ‘polycules‘ and ‘metamour‘ always bang on about how much talking is essential to non monogamous relationships of any kind and while I agree up to a point, I’m not a fan of talking for the sake of it. I like to let relationships feel natural and keep the bullet point style for therapy instead.

And sure enough in the last few weeks the subject of other people floated back into the orbit of our relationship. Sir found a potential sissy he might fuck and was invited to another threesome and Princess met a couple of women online keen to see if Tinder would offer up friends with benefits and a little exploration for them.

The thought of Sir fucking other people is hot (and the idea an ex-fuck of his wanted him to guest star just made him all the more desirable to me. No higher compliment than someone being that attracted to your partner after all.) And anything else would have been hypocrisy as that’s how I met him after all.

The idea of Princess dating caused me slightly more pause. I have generally never felt jealous. It’s an emotion I simply can’t relate to but I do have spectacular abandonment issues thanks to my fucked up childhood and I often can’t predict what will set them off. My girlfriend dating seemed like it could be a *thing* where the man who owns me fucking wasn’t.

She and I discussed it and something felt like it wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was I secretly struggling with her fucking other people? Like 90% of my useful thoughts it came when I was washing up. That not quite in place feeling wasn’t jealousy or abandonment or feeling left out. It was feeling like I *should* feel those things when I didn’t. It was the same feeling of being in the wrong room and not knowing how to excuse myself I got when I tried to be monogamous in the past.

Both my Master and I have had the time and opportunity to explore our sexuality and sexual preferences in the way that forms you who you are as a person. Princess being younger and flipping the script round to have found life partners early on hasn’t had that and I would hate to deny her that chance we both so revelled in.

For queer kinky people who and why you fuck like you do is often so intrinsically wrapped up in your personality and your social life that it’s basically your hobby as well as your way to pleasure. It’s the basis of how you discover who you are and it would be really weird if I objected to Princess doing this in a sexual context but approved of her going to a book group in comparison. By determining her hobbies and opportunities I’d be clipping her wings and the thought of doing that was what was sitting so awkwardly.

Once I’d realised that the itchy scratchy feeling I had subsided. I also imagined straight or monogamous people asking me was I not worried she’d meet someone else and chuckling because frankly it’s damn near impossible to meet someone on Tinder or online even if you make it your life’s work. Plus I know just how underwhelming most casual fucks are in bed. There was nothing to fear.

In fact I walked Princess to her date and went home with no worries at all. My only interest was whether she had fun. I didn’t spend my evening tormenting myself picturing her in bed with someone else or catastrophizing in any way. I watched Coronation Street in bed which was frankly more dramatic than my thoughts and hope the casual sex she was having lived up to her expectations.

Spoiler alert: she’ll probably do it again so clearly it wasn’t a disaster but she didn’t have much to say. It sounded remarkably like book group in that respect. I have no issues with her or my Master fucking other people casually and the whole relationship being open in that respect.

But in seeing that happen I realised I have no interest in fucking anyone else myself unless actively involves my Master and Princess being there with me. It turns out for me casual sex involves me being emotionally closed and the openness I need in my relationship is developing that side of me that is open with feelings and love.

That’s the bit my slutty past never taught me when I was picking up sexual skills and good anecdotes and it’s something only my Master and Princess can show me. Turns out I’m soppy, sentimental and my version of romantic with the right people (and my prior lack of awareness was that I was dating dickheads and hanging around with people with personality disorders.)

I just hadn’t realised til now that with all those terms for non monogamy there was more than one way to be open in a relationship…

Monogamish