Self Love

When Princess had things to celebrate this week and Sir wanted to mark the occasion with a little gift there was only one thing it could be. A beautiful glossy die cast Doxy all to herself. No more begging and borrowing mine as reward for good behaviour but her very own toy any time she wants.

She almost succumbed to the temptation to use it then and there before dinner but she delayed the gratification which impressed my Master (and me) no end. It does mean we get to try my Master’s idea of blindfolding her and seeing if she can tell the difference between my Doxy and the die cast version to prove her wand slut credentials once and for all.

But it also made think how different Princess and I are when it comes to masturbation. She loves it as much as fucking, treating it variously as pure enjoyment, self care and foreplay on a regular basis to the point I can almost always guess when she might be masturbating when she’s alone (although she usually surprises me with the number of times she manages to make herself come.)

I, on the other hand, very rarely masturbate especially for myself. I do enjoy masturbation when it is part of my training and submission to my Master or to prepare me for Princess. But I honestly can’t remember the last time I masturbated on my own terms. This is isn’t just because I’m so obedient to Sir’s orders but because it’s never really been my thing.

Before I started actually fucking I did masturbate to distract me from incredibly ridiculously horny all the time I felt as a teenager. I’d probably have done a lot better in my maths GCSE if I hadn’t spent as much time playing with myself when I should have been revising but as soon as I discovered cock in real life masturbation very much fell out of fashion in my world.

Given the choice between making myself come or finding a cock that could, I always picked the cock even if it meant getting dressed, going out and listening to a lot of small talk along the way. Maybe it was laziness or the lack of sex toys in my life at the time but I never looked forward to masturbation as an event in itself.

Even now it seems like second or third best to me and I can’t imagine just masturbating because I’ve got twenty minutes spare or need to get to sleep or had a stressful day. Instead of switching my brain off to concentrate on myself like that, it seems to send me more into myself in an unhelpful way and I find it surprisingly difficult to let go into an orgasm.

Focusing on someone else however relaxes my mind and my cunt completely and makes masturbation into something else entirely. Kind of a combination of enjoyment, performance and pleasure that really turns me on because it gives the other person the opportunity to masturbate too.

There’s something utterly glorious about that thought that makes my stomach pinch in pleasure and my cunt stretch open in anticipation. It’s my kind of audience and knowing I’ve got the feedback of turning someone else switches my brain off and turns me on like nothing else.

Maybe I just need to start asking my Master for permission to play more often and see if I can time it to when Princess is using her new Doxy since that won’t be as infrequent as I am….

Self Love

Limits

Princess is a wand slut. She loves the Doxy so much I sometimes think it might be the fourth member of our relationship. While I was struggling to scale up from the Lovehoney wand to the power of the Doxy, she was begging for it full speed on her clit first time.

And she’s actually taught herself to really embrace those deep rumbly vibrations and teach come harder for longer with the Doxy. Often she’ll have back to back orgasms with it where before she couldn’t keep anything even a fingertip against her clit after she’d come.

She was this greedy the other day when we’d been fucking on and off all day embracing the Doxy while I sucked on her nipples and sneaking it into the living room after I’d licked her cunt to another orgasm.

Unfortunately she’d given me so many orgasms all I could do was lie on the sofa to recover feeling her pressed against me as I lay there half asleep. I was suddenly aware that she was sliding down the sofa away from me and I knew she was picking up the Doxy before lying back against me.

I slipped my arm round her stomach as she put the Doxy against her still clothed cunt and turned it on the lowest speed. I could feel her whole body vibrating as I gently ran my hands over her body and then lightly smacked her cunt.

She paused and turned the toy up. I kept alternating between raking my nails down her skin with little pinches and pauses before another smack that sent the Doxy onto another speed. I was expecting her not to last very long on the highest setting but she surprised me.

She held the Doxy still and moved her cunt against it instead tensing her body back and forth against me and the toy as I could feel her whole body shake and vibrate before tipping into an orgasm so strong both her legs jerked off the sofa and the Doxy fell onto the floor.

She was as spent as me as she let the toy go and collapsed saying she couldn’t take anymore with both her body and cunt being numb and totally orgasmed out. I had no idea Princess had an orgasm limit especially with the Doxy.

But I knew she’d change her mind when she heard that my Master had finally bought her her own Doxy to play with as a reward for taking my fist a few weeks earlier

Limits

Oh Her Knees

Princess loved getting her nails painted last week and not just because I kept her from any bratty fidgeting by licking her cunt til she came. She definitely liked having perfectly painted nails to catch her eye during the week and remind her of my tongue each time.

So I wasn’t that surprised she asked me to paint her nails again this weekend. I took the opportunity to take charge and choose a beautiful glossy red polish that just screams slutty and sexy.

She sat so nicely with her hands out on the table making sure she followed her orders with each finger and thumb that I couldn’t help but reward her again with an orgasm while her nails dried. Such a good girl keeping her hands clear while fucking my face with her greedy cunt and then standing up when told so I could dress her again.

I wasn’t going to but to add temptation to the whole thing, I added a top coat to make Princess’s nails look particularly perfect and keep her still for longer. I sat back down on the sofa and sneakily cheekily flashed my cunt at her knowing she’d struggle to resist.

Lying back I watched as she knelt down in front of me holding her hands very carefully behind her back angled toward my pussy. Seeing my bratty girlfriend being so obedient went straight to my cunt and I was very happy to give her permission to use her tongue to find out just how wet I was.

Princess loves licking cunt anyway but I’ve never seen her like this before lapping and licking so eagerly she was bent forward barely able to balance with her hands behind her back and pressing her face further into my clit to hold herself up. It made me think what fun that spreader bar I bought a few weeks ago was going to be.

I let her make me come once in that position and then I allowed her to place her hands carefully on the tops of my thighs so that as she leaned forward she pulled my legs open even further to practically fuck my cunt with her whole mouth. All I could see when I glanced down was blonde hair and bright red nails against my pale skin.

I can’t remember if she made me come twice or three times but all I know is that I’ve never come from oral sex that way before. She left me so orgasmed out all I could do was lie on the sofa and smile at her still kneeling there like a very good girl….

Oh Her Knees

Back To Reality

I haven’t been able to fuck for the last few weeks and I was starting to go stir crazy looking longingly at the cucumber I bought the other day and hiding my Doxy before it tempted me further.

It hadn’t occurred to me that when I have to abstain like this is also tests Princess or my Master. I suspect he can adjust better being a big fan of delayed gratification but Princess struggles more.

So when we ended up lying in bed yesterday afternoon, I felt her literally sigh and shiver with pleasure when she reached down and cupped her hand round my cunt and just held it for a while stroking it gently.

And gentle was what I needed. No penetration for once, just that feeling of exploration that becomes enjoyment. She stroked and then kneaded my cunt in the way I love that presses against my clit indirectly and my cunt came to life.

I couldn’t help but press down against her hand in that way that is all about more touching and more pleasure. My instinct in that moment is to rush into an orgasm like scratching an itch. My Master trained me out of it over months to savour the bit before the orgasm rather than see it as the means to an end and most of the time I do now.

But sometimes when you have that first reminder of skin on skin sexual contact you want to gulp the first orgasm down like a cold beer on a hot day and sit back with the warm buzz of it spreading through your stomach before you really taste the second drink.

Then Princess put her lips on my cunt and I couldn’t even attempt to hold back allowing my body to come hard to shake off the frustration and denial and then relax into a second orgasm watching Princess’s head bobbing up and down feeling my cunt settle in for more orgasms and an afternoon of fucking…

Back To Reality

Orgasms

I am slightly preoccupied with orgasms at the moment. One of the cruellest tricks my body plays when I’m having a relapse is that it can’t cope with exertion without tipping me into pain and fatigue and having to curl up in bed waiting for the day to be over.

Sometimes this is the exertion of using my brain like working all day. But mainly it’s physical exertion such as exercise or anything else that raises my heart rate past a certain point. Which infuriatingly makes orgasms as potentially risky to my health as running for the bus.

So I’m rationing orgasms at the moment and it’s mainly proving that if you deny yourself something it’s all you can think about it. I’ve been dreaming about them but managing to wake myself up before I actually have an orgasm in my sleep. I’ve been picturing giving Princess orgasms while we were sitting on the sofa chatting yesterday. I’ve had to hide my Doxy under my bed to stop it from giving me ideas.

It’s incredibly distracting so to try and make a virtue of this preoccupation I’ve been revisiting favourite or memorable orgasms I’ve had. Somewhat unusually I can’t remember my first orgasm either by myself or with someone else but over the last few years plenty of orgasms have stood out for me.

When I first started fucking my Master I was used to sex with men that involved them having their orgasm first and then giving me an orgasm almost as an afterthought like well brought up people say ‘thank you for having me’ automatically after being invited somewhere even if they don’t mean it. These orgasms were on a tit for tat basis of one for you, one for me like the world would end if someone had more pleasure than another.

This is partly testament to my taste in men (which isn’t something I’d write home about) but also the way we talk about sex as something done to women rather than with women and framed as what men expect rather than what women need so that women’s orgasms and pleasure are seen as incidental to how you can ‘drive hime wild’ or ‘keep your man.’ Add in our goal oriented culture with everything being reduced to tick boxes and to do lists and orgasms become some kind of destination instead of the journey.

My Master isn’t like that at all and it confused me so much the first time we fucked that I actually fought against it until I was sure he was really enjoying concentrating on my pleasure and giving me orgasms not stacking up some kind of sexual debt I had to pay off in return.

Since then I’ve become slightly spoilt by how many orgasms he (and Princess) has given me and also extremely appreciative that they both encourage me to be greedy for them. It’s been notable how my orgasms have physically changed in that time too. Not only have they grown in intensity, but I’m more aware of the different ways I can orgasm now.

I used to have concentrate incredibly hard to be able to come like if I didn’t keep my eye on the prize the whole way, it would elude me and that orgasm would feel like a full stop to events. Now my orgasms in person come more easily and they feel like commas linking each action together so that I can come multiple times and still want more.

Different actions and sensations lead to different kinds of orgasms too. The feeling of an orgasm when my Master uses his whole fist in my cunt is like the giddy abandon of when you’d twirl round and round until dizzy as a child before letting go and feeling you could fly for a second before immediately wanting to do it again.

And when Princess gets me up on my knees and strokes either side of my clit with two fingers and makes me squirt all over the bed my orgasm is in two stages. The first moment of cold liquid squirting from my cunt making way for the warm floaty feeling of pleasure rushing up from my toes to my mind.

Putting the Doxy deep inside my cunt makes me ejaculate almost the same way as a man so that my orgasm sneaks up on me and I lose control of my senses and my cunt momentarily glad to see the evidence that I’m still with the world. These orgasms are the kind that tend to tip my body over its threshold and mainly occur when I’m on my own or my Master is pushing me to breaking point.

Something about another person there seems to keep me grounded and my body behaving so now I’m wondering if two people in the form of a threesome would be practically medicinal…?

 

Orgasms

A Little Buzz

I know I said I’d been having a bad patch recently but when my Master messaged me at the weekend asking what I was up to I decided it was worth exhausting myself to see what he had in mind. I hadn’t had an orgasm since I’d last fucked him a few weeks ago and I’d spent to night before face first in Princess making me incredibly horny.

Knowing I need a little help at the moment, he ordered me to use the Doxy but this time instead of simply sliding it into my stretched cunt and lying back I was to ride it like a cock. Seeing as my Master was the man to convert me to fucking on top after years of those men who lie there immobile while you fuck him til your thighs burn only for them to stop straight after they come, my ears pricked up at this order.

I liked the idea of seeing how much deeper I could take the Doxy this way and practising leaning into the power of its vibrations and finding out how holding still versus fucking myself against it worked. But my Master never likes to let me go at my own pace.

Even when I’m masturbating I have to prove my submission to him by focusing my pleasure to his orders and enjoyment. To some people that might sound constricting but to me it literally opens me up both physically and mentally. Submission to his domination is an immediate turn on for me even if he isn’t physically present.

He had me slide the Doxy into me and slide it in and out of my cunt slowly and steadily on the lowest setting for ten minutes making sure I didn’t come under any circumstances. I felt a little bit tight by my standards but some generous lube had the toy slipping inside and feeling myself actually stretch open in the process.

I love that feeling more than anything else as my cunt literally comes to life wrapping itself around a huge toy or Sir’s cock or Princess’s fingers. It’s like a moment of sexual energy that brings the horny feelings in my mind and body together and turns thoughts into intentions. As soon that sensation happens I know my body is working with me and it’s going to be pure pleasure.

I started myself off gently running the Doxy for a minute stationary in my cunt feeling that shiver and shudder of getting turned on and then I started sliding the toy in and out, pushing it in as deeply as comfortable and pulling it out so that the widest point stretched me wide to the point of pleasure-pain.

It didn’t feel like ten minutes as time stood still while I was so focused on the sheer enjoyment so it’s just as well my Master texted me at exactly ten minutes to remind me that I needed to pay attention to my orders. I was up on my knees, rocking against the Doxy like a huge cock almost instantly.

I turned the speed up just as my cunt got greedy before stopping and staying still so that the toy and the vibrations filled me up. It felt so good I had to put my hands on the bed to steady me and seeing the wand moving in my cunt with only my muscles holding it place made me want more.

Sir had given me orders to come three times around the Doxy without switching it off or stopping. The first came as I put it on full speed and leaned into it brushing my fingers across my clit piercing exploding into an orgasm so intense I couldn’t tell if it was lube or me ejaculating dripping down the toy.

Riding the Doxy

The second orgasm was still on my knees pushing against the Doxy and pulling it out my cunt to that widest point that makes me feel filled and fulfilled in equal measure. It was so strong the bed seemed to tilt as I went a bit wobbly with intensity. The third orgasm came easily was I rolled onto my back and my legs pulled up into the air with the toy buried as far as possible in my exhausted cunt.

No sooner had I lifted my phone to thank my Master for the orgasms and describe them to him than he pushed me further by changing the order to five orgasms without switching the wand off. There was no chance in hell I could have taken another moment of those vibrations let alone another orgasm.

All I could do was lie back with the Doxy on my thighs feelings the muscles in both my legs and my cunt twitch in exhaustion and pleasure feeling utterly fucked…

A Little Buzz

Willing And Able

I did laugh this week when Princess texted me to ask if I also wrote this week’s guest post on Girl on the Net’s blog and then I started reading it and wondered if I had too. If you haven’t seen it’s a fantastic filthy piece about sex and disability and it was almost more exciting to me to see that discussed than writing my own guest post on stretching there recently.

There is still this weird mix of prudishness and prurience when it comes to disability and sex. People either assume disabled people are sexless or ask invasive questions about sex almost immediately. Both manage to objectify disabled people in their own way and put them out there as ‘other’ in yet another way rather than including them in the conversation in same way as non disabled people.

So seeing someone write about sex and disability in such matter of fact terms (and without the word inspiring coming within a hundred miles of the piece) is glorious. I’ve written before how I feel about being disabled and still sexual but struggle with how negative ┬áthe reality of that can sound sometimes. But that guest post was incredibly positive and frankly hot.

I loved the emphasis on what you can still do around pain and fatigue and all the rest of it because sex is hands down my favourite way to use my body no matter what else is going on. It’s always been worth the extra rest needed and I much prefer the pain when it comes from getting fucked senseless and using all kinds of muscles you didn’t know you had.

It took me a little while to train myself past my chronic pain to enjoy the acute pain of a good spanking but it was so worth persevering for the pay off and I loved hearing that other disabled people do the same in that piece. It reminded me that there is a perk to disability sometimes in that you know your body incredibly well and that can be a huge advantage in pushing yourself sexually.

Knowing just how far you can push your limbs to hold you in that tied up position or how much you need to breathe in and hold to push yourself past a gasp and into an exhalation that equals a mind blowing orgasm are second nature when you already have to pace and work with your body minute by minute to get the most of it.

Plus when your body throws you curve balls all too often, you really appreciate when it works with you too with pleasure and sexual sensations. Feeling someone brush their hands along your skin or lace you tight into a corset or push inside your wet cunt feels all the better in the circumstances.

Not only is hot as hell, it often takes you out of yourself in a way that energises and enhances your body. Sex is also self care. An orgasm might take it out of your body but it calms and clears the mind so you feel rested and present in yourself in a way even sleep can’t always do.

I might be having an unexpected bad patch at the moment that’s set me back slightly but that post has given me the incentive to see what I can still come up with to make myself come in the meantime….

Willing And Able