I love writing this blog for my Master. It gives me an excellent way to relive his orders for me and indulge the part of me that likes showing off my sexual tastes and exploits.
So I was amused when he mentioned over the weekend that I had left out a part of our fucking from last week. I think he thought it had had slipped my mind, but in fact I felt it needed its own post apart from the hot wax and latex.
It might have taken me a while to take the Belladonna Bitch Fist toy for him and not until he threatened to drip hot candle wax on my cunt with that tone of slight sadism that both scares me and gets me wet in equal measure.
But once I had that big fist toy completely buried in my cunt, it felt amazing. I’m so used to fisting myself with it that I’d forgotten how glorious it is to have him handling it instead. I’d already had his fist inside twice me that day but the toy has a solidness to it that is its own turn on.
He put me on all fours, wax covered ass up in the air and fisted me hard with his other hand on my clit from behind with it and all I could do was lean on my arms and and grit my teeth as I came ridiculously hard and tried not to collapse face first into the floor.
I didn’t think it could get more intense and then he pushed me down and slipped his cock into my cunt at the same time as the fist toy. I’ve never felt anything quite like it, like being stretched open to the point of pain. It took my breath away and while a large part of me wanted to keep going to find the pace of it and enjoy it, part of me felt overwhelmed to the point of telling my Master I couldn’t take it.
There is never any question that my Master will coerce or force me into anything and the trust I have in him is because of that. But I do have a tendency to panic when confronted with new things sexually and insist I can’t do them and then promptly regret it when he stops.
My Master paused enough to let me collect my thoughts and talk to him about how it felt being that stretched and after a few seconds I still couldn’t take it and he slipped his cock out and returned to pushing me with the fist toy and his fingers on my clit instead.
He and I have never used safewords to play with and use the RACK or risk aware consensual kink style instead where we keep communicating throughout scenes and reaffirming consent. I’m more comfortable with that as safewords tend to me shout them out before I can think and then not be able to articulate why I wanted to stop once the mood has been broken.
I prefer having to stay engaged while fucking as I unless I do my mind has a tendency to wander off and leave me less able to push myself to try things. It works for us because my Master is very good at balancing consent with control and because we know each other well.
Also I have an appalling memory under any kind of pressure (like an impending orgasm) and I know I’d never actually remember what the safeword I’m meant to be using. Having to make the effort to keep communicating with my Master is physically easier if mentally challenging and helps me keep in the submissive mood.
If I take myself out of that with a jolt, I go from the adrenaline and joy of subspace to what’s known as ‘subdrop’ which is basically a bloody great comedown that tends to make me not want to try that thing again even in different circumstances. Playing this way keeps me from doing that and knowing exactly what I can take.
And while I’m disappointed I couldn’t keep my Master’s cock in my cunt at the same time as fist toy, playing that way means I was already picturing how I could take it the next time before I’d even completely undressed after he left.
I might even have spent a large chunk of the weekend thinking about it too because that little taste of being fucked and fisted at the same time has left me greedy for more….