Drag Hag

I was talking to Princess the other day about RuPaul’s Drag Race. Bizarrely for someone who loves make up and used to work in a drag bar back in the early days of living in London, I’ve only ever seen one episode of it (actually with Sir and Princess.)

She and I were discussing how many millions of people must have discovered their sexuality (or become allies or more aware of LGBTQ+ culture) because of RuPaul and Drag Race. We were both trying to work out who are first drag queen was and despite our age gap both of us thought RuPaul had probably been our introduction to drag culture.

I definitely remember having a card advertising the original Viva Glam lipstick back in 1994. The fifteen year old me was bewitched by the unisex glamour of MAC Cosmetics which were unobtainable in Ireland in those days and I was dazzled by RuPaul in a frock and k.d lang in a suit both gender bending for a good cause.

I stuck that card to my wall above the desk I studied for my GCSEs at and stared at it as some kind of portal to a world where anyone could wear make up and be who they wanted. And like many people before and since I found that world in the local gay bars.

My hometown only had one gay bar that advertised itself as such while one other pub had an upstairs room frequented by what we’d now call bears and tended to be too old for my friends and I to go. I got to know the gay friendly haunts well as I had several barely out gay friends and was a safe person to accompany them as they met men for fun for the first time.

It never occurred to me that some of those men were bisexual until one Monday night a female friend and I tripped along to the gay bar for Miss Penelope Pitstop’s Big Balls Bingo with our town’s possibly only drag queen mixing local banter and high camp to a mixed audience.

Since she was a minister’s daughter she got a fit of guilt about being there and left abruptly (although her parents were very welcoming when she came out as bisexual herself soon after even if she had a tendency to act like the only gay in the village after she did.)

I figured I could finish my drink safely in a bar full of men with eyes for each other and was slightly surprised when suddenly I was hugged hard and joined at my table by a guy I knew from my clubbing days. We’d always enjoyed drug fuelled conversations after big nights out crashed out on aged sofas in student houses talking earnestly while off our faces but had never really spoken sober.

I didn’t really think much of seeing him there until we were well into the bingo and drinks and he mentioned he knew Miss Penelope herself. In a stroke of almost embarrassing naivety I enquired how and he paused and batted his eyelashes at me and casually said he liked to suck her cock while she was in full make up.

I know my mouth made a perfect O in response to that. Not because as he thought for a second because I was shocked or horrified but because I was instantly turned on by the thought of it and fuelled by gin and confidences told him so. He grinned and signalled for more drinks. I knew that night wasn’t going to go home as early as my friend had.

We played several rounds of bingo, failing to make a house at any point since our attention had shifted to making eyes at each other. Having only ever discussed politics and putting the world to rights with this guy I was delighted to discover he was funny and incredibly fucking filthy.

I had no qualms when the bingo ended and he bought me a drink, kissed me on the lips and told me to entertain myself before disappearing for about fifteen minutes. I was amusing fag hag fodder to the other men in the bar who thought a wide eyed girl in a bar with a dabber had no idea what was going on.

My date reappeared and rescued me, sliding onto the seat beside me and his tongue into my mouth as he kissed me still tasting of cock and come. His hand definitely crept up my skirt and we looked very straight in a public place. That was our cue to leave together.

We fell into a cab kissing hard enough that the cab driver had to remind us we’d arrived twice. There was no pausing for drinks or polite chit chat in that way people do when they pretend they haven’t gone home together to fuck. We went straight to the bedroom.

I noticed two things that surprised me. For a man of barely twenty who appeared to live separately to his parents his room was immaculate with a properly made bed and even more unusually he was holding the first sex toy I’d ever seen.

He pushed me down on my knees and started pulling my tights down and skirt up so my panties were just low enough to sneak a peek at my cunt and for him to wedge the dildo he was holding into them so it stuck out like a cock that I had to hold tightly in place by pressing my thighs together.

I could feel my cunt soaking wet around it and making it tricky to keep in place with how slick my knickers felt. But when he knelt down, pulling his long hair off his face and started sucking the dildo like he clearly had been with Miss Penelope’s cock before we left together. I looked down watching his head bob and up and down on the dildo taking it deeper than I knew was possible.

I was so turned on and wet watching his floorshow I almost didn’t notice his final flourish as he deep throated the dildo pulling it out of my panties with his lips before putting his mouth back on my cunt and licking me with equal enjoyment and vigour.

My cunt responded in delight as I discovered my first bisexual man that night. We fucked hard that night so that my first time using a sex toy was with his mouth and ass. I did enjoy his legs eleven for me, cock in hand and getting his jackpot that way.

Maybe not the most common introduction to drag culture I’ll agree but one I’ve remembered for years since…

 

Drag Hag

Texture

Is there anything more disappointing than a dodgy dildo? I haven’t had the chance to play with the monster my Master bought me for my birthday because there’s a problem with the texture of it. I’m not sure if it’s a fault with the toy itself or the way it’s been stored in the packaging before being sent out.

But it’s not safe to be near my cunt right now sadly so to make it up to me (especially after the awkwardness of taking a two foot long dildo to the Post Office) my Master set me a little challenge. I was to take three toys and compare the textures of them in my cunt before coming round each of them.

It wasn’t about length or girth this time per se but about touch and texture instead so I used it as an excuse to delve deep into my toy box and compare and contrast to make my choices. Although it says a lot that my first stop was actually the fridge for my beloved glass dildo chilled to perfection under the emergency bar of chocolate to start me off.

I love the feel of that glass toy. One side is dimpled and the other is swirled and curled and the toy works best with extremes of temperature. I slid the cool dimpled end inside me and enjoyed the fact that glass is by it’s very nature incredibly firm and inflexible. It’s like the hardest cock possible and that over the top-ness makes it feel so much a like a toy all for the pleasure of playing with.

The unyielding texture of the toy actually works with your cunt more than you’d expect. The cool feel allows the heat of my cunt to transfer to it and the rigidity allows the soft wetness to contrast with it so the toy slides in and out gracefully and gloriously as I fuck myself deeply and steadily with it. The little clink as it slips in as far as possible and skims across the metallic piercing in my swollen clit always pushes me over the edge into an orgasm.

In contrast my next toy was a new experience for me. A little purple jelly vibrator designed to work like a rabbit with clit stimulation, it came free with a Lovehoney order and I’ve never used it on me. Princess responded well to it but it was unchartered territory for my current cunt.

My first ever sex toy was a gift from a friend in that stereotypical pink glittery jelly and I never warmed to it abandoning it quite quickly to go back to using my hand. This was the first time I’d revisited the texture and I suspect it’ll be the last. There’s something about the sticky squishiness of jelly toys that causes my cunt to shrink away from them and considering how tiny this toy is by my standards that’s a very bad thing.

It did not slip inside me anywhere as easily as the glass toy. No glide, more stopping and starting like trying to learn to use the clutch pedal on your first driving lesson than getting fucked. The texture seemed to suck the moisture from my cunt with the wrong kind of friction for fun.

Adding the vibrations didn’t help much. I’m used to the jumbo jet style roar and reverberation of the Doxy and this was more like someone sneezing on my clit instead. Like many starter style sex toys, it has a lot of functions and less impact cycling through all kinds of whispers of vibration that never quite go anywhere. Especially when half the settings seem to involve that on-off buzz pattern that builds to pleasure before dying away in frustration.

I haven’t worked that hard for an orgasm in years with the soft little toy feeling limp and damp inside and against me definitely not filling me up or fulfilling the promise of vibrations. I haven’t felt anything that half hearted near my cunt since I stopped fucking straight men and my orgasm was more like a defiant fuck you to the clammy fumbling toy than actual pleasure.

I was very pleased I’d kept my eternal favourite pink G spot toy from Lovehoney for the finale. Bought as a  substitute for the much more expensive Jopen Comet G spot toy I couldn’t justify spending so much money on, this toy has given me more pleasure than I ever imagined. Made of smooth sleek silicone, I’ve used it in my ass and my cunt and loved it in both.

It has the slight tackiness of silicone that goes with lubrication like salt goes with pepper to compliment and enhance each other and this toy just feels like it comes home in my cunt. Not as rigid as the glass and not as languid as the jelly toy, it feels more like the hardness of an actual cock and my cunt is definitely on home turf with that feel.

Silicone doesn’t seem to absorb heat the same way but it loves lube making it slick and sleek inside you to make sure the toy really builds up good friction against the slightly raised swollen spongy feel of my G spot when I’m really turned on. It butts against it but slips just enough to give a twisting motion that always makes me come so hard I feel like I might squirt as well. And last night was no difference.

I lay back after my third consecutive orgasm and tried to decide which toy was my favourite. I love that clean cool feel of glass and never tire of playing with it but the pink toy just works for me getting me turned on and fucked to orgasm every single time with the least effort. And it’s not just good with myself, both my Master and Princess can use it on me to incredible results too.

I think I might be a silicone slut but Sir has set me another three toys to play with tonight too so who knows…?

 

Texture

Two At A Time

slut paddle

My Master clearly woke up horny yesterday because by 10.30 he’d fucked Princess in the ass, come in her throat and arranged a threesome with me. I found it extremely difficult to focus all afternoon with that in mind.

It’s been a while since we’ve all been able to play together so I wanted to make an effort and packed a bag of pure sluttery to take to their house. Two new toys to play with: a leather paddle with the word slut in it and a double ended dildo.

My Master was aware of both but Princess wasn’t at all so I was intrigued to see what he would have planned with them. I do like his ability to surprise me even when I know what he has in mind.

double dong

I started the evening by surprising both of them with my completely sheer black bodysuit that made the previous one look almost demure. Totally see through it only needed some black stockings and a quarter cup bra and black corset to finish it off to full effect.

It certainly declared how ready to fuck I was and neither of them made me wait too long to get started. Princess was so keen in fact she was being a little bit bratty so my Master had no choice but to tie her face down on the bed with her mouth on my cunt while he alternated the Doxy on the jiggle ball butt plug in her ass and the slut paddle on her skin to punish her.

Sadly the paddle didn’t brand her fully with the word slut, but it did offer several orgasms worth of fun for her from hard stinging spanks to soft thwacking slaps and almost soothing sounds as she squirmed into my soaking cunt and tried to pull away from the Doxy overloading her senses.

I think she thought my Master was taking pity on how helpless and being used she was when he allowed her to sit up again and took the cuffs off her arms and legs. Right up until the moment he blindfolded her that was.

But instead he slipped one end of the huge double dildo in her cunt and the other into mine and then held her arms behind her sliding us together on the same huge toy. He then guided her hands down so she could feel that we were sharing it and watched as she started to fuck the toy and by extension my cunt.

The toy was just a little bit too long for us to push our cunts together and feel the Doxy at the same time but putting it on full power allowed us to get a good effect as we fucked each other with an enormous cock as my Master enjoyed watching us.

I’m particularly looking forward to buying a slightly shorter double ended dildo for next time and not being so greedy about length for once…

Two At A Time

Tandem

My Master mentioned recently that he likes knowing what I’m doing while he’s fucking Princess and it got me thinking. What if he knew that Princess and I were doing the same thing at the same time while he was fucking her and thinking about me?

Handily enough Princess and I both own one of those John Holmes toys that has somehow become my most frequently used dildo so I had the image of us both fucking ourselves with it at the same time at some point. Me picturing her cunt filled up to stretching would certainly loosen mine nicely.

So when my Master texted me the other day to say Princess was sucking his cock, I sensed it was a good time to practise giving orders. Once I got the hang of not cramping his style or potential orgasms, I told her to take the toy out and put it inside her and show me her cunt in its full glory.

As I was giving the orders, I was pressing the tip of my toy up against my cunt and feeling it want to swallow it up, but holding back in case my Master had orders for me as well. He seemed more than happy though to let me direct and soon the toy was slipping into my wet cunt with ease.

Princess was having a little more trouble as she was surprisingly tight and could only take the tip of the toy before my Master took over and fucked her with his cock to help stretch her out a little more. I could picture just how much she wanted him inside her and was enjoying fucking myself to the image at home.

My Master had to slip a plug into her ass to be able to come into her cunt and the thought of it helped me take my toy as deeply as possible thinking about how they both react when they come. Unsurprisingly it took almost nothing more than playing with my piercing as I fucked myself to come when my Master gave me permission to.

And I think I could have come again if I’d been greedy thinking abut how this year will involve training Princess to take the bigger toys more regularly. Her cunt is glorious to the feel of my fingers but she still can’t take my Master’s fist fully.

I suspect that taking some inspiration from my Master’s patient and practised training of me from two fingers to huge toy and becoming a complete fisting slut should help her along to get past the widest point of his knuckles nicely.

Playing with Princess’s cunt more is my kind of New Year resolution…

 

Tandem

It Takes Two

Oxballs pighole XXL

After my recent run of not being on top of my orders, it felt good to be able to message my Master last night to tell him I’d completed all that day’s tasks. I wasn’t expecting to be rewarded quite as generously either.

Knowing my lack of practical maths skills, after checking my last orgasm had been with the new glass plug and the John Holmes toy, he hinted that my new XXL pighole was just slightly bigger and would fulfil my next size challenge nicely.

I was a little nervous. The XXL pighole is considerably bigger than its XL cousin and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to manage it all. The first few times I used the pighole before it was on the uncomfortable side of stretching and I could only handle a few seconds of it.

But I also know now what the pay off is from the pighole and how good it feels being that stretched open and yet supported at the same time. And it feels incredible to be fucked through. It feels and sounds so obscene just thinking about it gets me wet.

I slipped the glass plug in my ass first. I’ve been wearing it every night since I tried it and I’m so in love with it. My ass welcomes it every time with ease. It seems counterintuitive that the heavier the plug and the bigger the base the easier it is to take, but this is what makes my ass happy.

Then I moved onto the pighole. It’s best to fold it in on itself and apply any lube to your cunt, not the toy and let the folded toy slip inside you slowly. Then put your fingers inside the pighole and press and the fold in the toy opens out stretching you wide open.

I was expecting discomfort and instead I got a sense of such pure pleasure I could have come from that and the plug alone. My Master however had instructed me to fuck myself with the ceramic toy I have which you can fill with water for added weight and sensation.

Hearing the water inside it and the lubed ceramic move against the ridged rubber of the pighole as I fucked myself was so incredibly filthy I’m not sure if I came from that or the actual sensations, but either way I ended up with one of those orgasms that leaves you limp with the sound of your heart thumping in your ears.

It was also strong enough to allow my stretched cunt to push the pighole and the ceramic toy out together as I came…

It Takes Two

Blow Jobs

I really should look at my calendar more often. I’ve spent my day chatting to women in the hope I’ll get to practice my new found interest in licking pussy. And only at 7pm did I discover that it’s Steak and Blowjob Day instead.

Let’s ignore the idea behind the day which seems to suggest that blow jobs are something men enjoy receiving but women only do to please them rather than because they enjoy them.

Sucking cock is one of my favourite things, but it annoys me that I’ve never mastered the art of deepthroating. I’m definitely missing out not having that trick up my sleeve and I know my Master would be very pleased if I learned.

So tonight since I have neither a steak nor a cock to put in my mouth, it seems like an excellent plan to practise deepthroating a dildo like my Master has instructed me on my list

Blow Jobs

What a Day!

I was a little apprehensive about performing on camera (while someone else held it) for the first time, but today’s shoot was so much fun I wished it had gone on twice as long as it did.

They say no one likes a show off but I think when it’s your cunt that likes to show off, people make exceptions. Especially when they get to see the evidence of it.

I particularly enjoyed discovering that my trick of female ejaculation wasn’t a one off and that it was captured on camera today more than once.

Water bottles, aubergines, Coke cans, dildos, pighole, fist toy, butternut squashes. I lost count of how many things I played with today. Turns out being dressed up completely in rubber really does turn me into a sex toy…

 

 

What a Day!