Slut Humour


Candi fisting herself with Belladonna Bitch Fist toy

I’ve never been a huge fan of the Kit Kat. They always seem like the chocolate bar trying too hard to be a treat when you could have something more exciting to me (and I miss the foil because I’m old.)

Yet yesterday’s court ruling about not being able to trademark their shape has tickled me by introducing me to an excellent and highly relevant joke about them. I paraphrase since I suspect the original name used was to mock them not applaud them. But I’m happy to put myself in the joke ‘what’s the difference between Candi and a Kit Kat?’

You only get four fingers in a Kit Kat…’

Slut Humour

Step Back

After the ridiculous over the top double penetration fuck with my Master the other day, he ordered me to take the John Holmes toy after he left me. And for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t even manage the tip without difficulty.

I had just been fucked harder than ever before in my life but I was slightly disappointed my cunt had found a limit. And when it was still too sore to take the toy 48 hours later I was starting to worry.

My cunt is the bit of me that always works and to have it fail me surprised me. I had to step back and remind myself that when you stretch muscles you also need to rest them even if that muscle is your cunt.

And it helped that my Master set me a new stretching challenge to keep me occupied but not overdoing it. He took me right back to the start with one finger in my cunt, adding one finger each hour until I had all five fingers in my cunt making sure I came each time.

Once I’d reached all five fingers, I needed to start working up through my toys in size order each hour, orgasming each time until I could take the John Holmes toy again. It seemed like the perfect stretching challenge for a long weekend.

So I wasn’t expecting to run into issues with one finger. But I managed to miss my first hour (and second..) by sleeping in and had to catch the first three fingers up one after each other so that I had three orgasms in under thirty minutes to get back on track. As wake up calls go, I’d recommend it…

Then I got ahead of myself when I slipped all five fingers into my cunt without realising for a second or two. I had to make a very big effort to take my thumb back out and place it on my clit to make me come and not slide it back inside like a very greedy girl.

It was a long hour to wait til I could slip all five fingers into my cunt and at that point my challenge was more not making myself come almost instantly. There’s nothing like a fist to make my cunt happy.

Apart from a cock that is and I spent the next three hours sizing up through dildos. First the pink toy where I made myself come imagining using it on Princess and her using it on me because she both love it so much.

Then the smaller double ended toy which also gives me memories of Princess that go straight to my cunt and make me not need to work very hard at making myself come. I really was missing out for a long time not knowing that you can make cock even better by adding another cunt to it.

My third toy was the monster double ended toy that actually keeps me apart from Princess despite being so wet for her. But in this case, it’s exactly half way between the smaller one and the John Holmes toy and I know my Master likes accuracy as much as I like cock.

Eight orgasms and it was only just mid afternoon. At this rate I was going to run out of toys or need to find an emergency oversized butternut squash in a convenience store open for unexpected Easter needs.

I decided since I’d been on my back for all those orgasms earlier, I’d ride the John Holmes toy on my knees for a change. And I was shocked to find that I still couldn’t take it at all. Not on my knees, not on my back, not at all. My cunt was closed for something that large.

I was so shocked I forgot to ask my Master’s permission for what to do next. So no wonder he caught up with me before bed and made sure I didn’t go to sleep until I’d bought what he had in mind to punish me with for missing that orgasm…



Step Back

Old Cunt

My phone decided to throw an elaborate shit fit this week with a meltdown the average two year old in a supermarket might consider excessive. There was nothing else for it but to plough through old data to find the cause.

And it was probably the sheer number of cunt shots and videos on there to be frank. Hundreds of images of my cunt obeying my Master’s orders and pleasing Princess. I’m surprised there was room for photos of much else on there at that rate.

But in between having a ruthless clear out of Whatsapp data particularly I was amused to find the very first picture of my cunt I sent my Master from just over two years ago. It looks like the most vanilla cunt in town to the point where I actually didn’t recognise it as my own.

old cunt

I was also amused to find a shot of my unpierced nipples as well which luckily I did recognise without too much confusion. I had a lot of fun with those versions of my body, but nowhere near the pleasure I have with the new obviously kinky changes under my Master’s orders and training.

I definitely don’t ever want to go back again…



Old Cunt

Double Time

double dildo sofa

Dinner with Princess the other night was very enjoyable but so was after dinner when she pulled me down on the sofa and licked my cunt til I was incredibly wet. She then left the room for a minute and I took the chance to slip the little pink G spot toy inside me and fuck myself until she came back.

It didn’t take very much to make me come as she used the toy and her mouth together and almost immediately I was squirming and squirting in response. She enjoyed pointing out just what a slut I am for a cock inside me and I couldn’t argue with her. I do love being fucked with a cock.

I think she liked my horniness for cock because she had no hesitation about us lying at opposite ends of the sofa sharing the double ended dildo before fucking me with it until I came twice.

The extra length on the toy came in very useful in allowing her to be able to run the Doxy along it working towards her clit until she made herself come. She was enjoying herself so much she didn’t even realise that the mixture of vibrations and tension from her body as she came pushed me to a third orgasm without even trying.

What could be better: following my Master’s orders while watching her come and ending with more orgasms than I could count myself…?

double sofa

Double Time

Old Friends

I woke up incredibly horny yesterday. I’d been dreaming about Princess and thoughts of her cunt went straight to mine. Usually my Master doesn’t allow me to masturbate but this time he allowed me the opportunity with only one proviso.

I had to see how much of the big plug I could take in my cunt while I was doing it. I had to think for a moment which plug he meant and then I remembered it was the big glossy black Ass Servant one he had in mind and got excited.

I haven’t used it for months and was intrigued to see how much more of it I could take than when I first got it last March. Last time I played with it I was sure I could have managed it all if I’d had permission to come so I was very hopeful.

I still had visions in my mind of Princess’s cunt and just as I was getting ready to play with the toy she texted me and I enjoyed telling her what I was doing. And she clearly enjoyed hearing it.

She has a way of playing with my clit when I’m kneeling that makes my clit so incredibly swollen and makes me squirt as I come. I love when she does it so I was picturing that as I got up on my knees to start riding the toy and she was obviously doing the same.


My cunt just swallowed the toy up and straight down further onto it to begin with than I used to be able to do right at the end of a session with it. All my Master’s training combined with the thought of making Princess so wet had quite the effect.

I then ran the Doxy against the toy because the vibrations are so strong it doesn’t need to touch my cunt to have an effect and the toy definitely slipped in a little further. I was sure I could have taken it all if my ass was a little bit more stretched at the moment.

Instead I flicked the Doxy onto my clit for a few seconds and then back to the toy and alternated for a few times so the toy just inched in very slightly more and stretched me so wide I came without warning.

That hasn’t happened for such a long time I was surprised and once my legs stopped shaking I texted my Master to tell him what had happened and apologise if I didn’t have permission to come.

Luckily he found the photos I sent hot enough to excuse my accidental orgasm and I know Princess enjoyed my description too. I very much like that one toy pleases three people so many ways at once…


Old Friends


After over 45 minutes of me licking and sucking and teasing Princess’s cunt with my mouth, my Master finally allowed that she could come.

But burying my face in her clit with his cock deep in my cunt wasn’t enough to push her over at that point. She was ravenous for for something inside her by this point and mixing my thumb and tongue was simply keeping her on the edge further.

My Master took his cock out of my cunt and slid it down her throat as he ordered me to start slipping my hand into her aching begging cunt. It was a joy to trail one finger up and down and watch her cunt literally open for it.

If she’d had her hands free she’d have been shoving all four fingers inside her immediately but I enjoyed adding them gradually, fucking her deeper each time until my hand was right up to the knuckles.

My Master lubed me up and I slid my hand right into her cunt as she gasped and groaned around his cock and once I was up to the narrowest point of my wrist, fist clenched I started to fuck her as hard I possibly could until she was begging me to destroy her cunt and coming so hard round my fist I couldn’t move it for a second.

Her gorgeous stretched cunt was still crying out for more though and my Master leaned himself down, cock still in her mouth and two fingers slipped into her slick cunt beside my fist.

We started off at two different rhythms as we explored her eager pussy begging for both of us and then it just worked to fuck her together. Four fingers from my Master and a whole fist from me brought her to another orgasm where no discernible words came out as she stretched further round our hands.

But my Master wasn’t done with his beautiful stretched slut of a wife yet. He ordered me to keep my fist buried deep in her and to press the Doxy against her swollen clit as he went back to fucking her face with his cock so she couldn’t keep protesting that it was too much for her.

Within minutes, she was begging for me to turn the Doxy up and fist her harder and harder. She was pressing so hard against my fist and the toy I could hardly breathe in my corset as her ruined cunt came around me for the third time in under an hour.

My Master rewarded her by unclipping her cuffs from the ties on the bed and allowing her to sit up and recover slightly before ordering her to put his work shirt over her waist trainer and go to the door to collect dinner from the delivery driver with no panties on and the cuffs clinking around her hands and wrists while we drank the champagne he had brought…


Teasing Times

Friday nights are full of promise. That perfect balance between the end of a week and a start of a weekend, they seem to have their own rules so when my Master told me to keep mine free this week I couldn’t say no.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had the chance to play with my Master and Princess together and so it seemed apt that a little more anticipation would build the occasion further.

I managed to send my Master a text about my address by accident rather than to my friend and his Friday afternoon mind was woken up by it. He ordered me to interrupt my meeting to go into the bathroom and slip four fingers into my cunt and send it to him and Princess.

Of course I was happy to oblige and then await my next orders from him, getting wetter and more ready as the day went on. Just as I was tempted to ask instead of await, he told both Princess and I to get dressed and when she got to my house for me to tie her to the bed and tease her clit with my tongue without her coming until he arrived.

She looks so good in her waist trainer with her arms and legs wide and tied to my bed that I had no difficulty diving into her cunt almost immediately. I haven’t had the chance to taste her in so long that it was a treat to.

Although maybe not for her since my plan was to tease and almost torture her with my tongue and mouth and hers was to be licked until she came hard and quickly. But where’s the fun there?

It was in me kissing her cunt and biting and sucking her thighs til she squirmed before flicking my tongue across her clit and fucking her lightly with it to get her dripping wet before distracting myself with sucking her clit and licking her until she tried to push herself over the edge with her own hands.

At that level of brattiness, I made her sit up to kiss me instead to prevent her hands misbehaving. I was about to take pity on her and ask my Master where he was when he texted to say he was five minutes away. I tried to reply with how horny Princess was but she was literally biting my hands in frustration at that point.

The only option I had was to tell her to lie back down and start again because what could I enjoy more than the power of having a beautiful woman’s cunt being pushed into your face as she fucks your mouth and begs you to make her come?

Turns out the only thing is my Master coming up behind me while I lick her delicious cunt and teasing me with his hard cock before fucking me hard and deep until I come around him.

Only then was Princess allowed to come but by then my mouth wasn’t enough for her hungry cunt…


Teasing Times