I am slightly preoccupied with orgasms at the moment. One of the cruellest tricks my body plays when I’m having a relapse is that it can’t cope with exertion without tipping me into pain and fatigue and having to curl up in bed waiting for the day to be over.
Sometimes this is the exertion of using my brain like working all day. But mainly it’s physical exertion such as exercise or anything else that raises my heart rate past a certain point. Which infuriatingly makes orgasms as potentially risky to my health as running for the bus.
So I’m rationing orgasms at the moment and it’s mainly proving that if you deny yourself something it’s all you can think about it. I’ve been dreaming about them but managing to wake myself up before I actually have an orgasm in my sleep. I’ve been picturing giving Princess orgasms while we were sitting on the sofa chatting yesterday. I’ve had to hide my Doxy under my bed to stop it from giving me ideas.
It’s incredibly distracting so to try and make a virtue of this preoccupation I’ve been revisiting favourite or memorable orgasms I’ve had. Somewhat unusually I can’t remember my first orgasm either by myself or with someone else but over the last few years plenty of orgasms have stood out for me.
When I first started fucking my Master I was used to sex with men that involved them having their orgasm first and then giving me an orgasm almost as an afterthought like well brought up people say ‘thank you for having me’ automatically after being invited somewhere even if they don’t mean it. These orgasms were on a tit for tat basis of one for you, one for me like the world would end if someone had more pleasure than another.
This is partly testament to my taste in men (which isn’t something I’d write home about) but also the way we talk about sex as something done to women rather than with women and framed as what men expect rather than what women need so that women’s orgasms and pleasure are seen as incidental to how you can ‘drive hime wild’ or ‘keep your man.’ Add in our goal oriented culture with everything being reduced to tick boxes and to do lists and orgasms become some kind of destination instead of the journey.
My Master isn’t like that at all and it confused me so much the first time we fucked that I actually fought against it until I was sure he was really enjoying concentrating on my pleasure and giving me orgasms not stacking up some kind of sexual debt I had to pay off in return.
Since then I’ve become slightly spoilt by how many orgasms he (and Princess) has given me and also extremely appreciative that they both encourage me to be greedy for them. It’s been notable how my orgasms have physically changed in that time too. Not only have they grown in intensity, but I’m more aware of the different ways I can orgasm now.
I used to have concentrate incredibly hard to be able to come like if I didn’t keep my eye on the prize the whole way, it would elude me and that orgasm would feel like a full stop to events. Now my orgasms in person come more easily and they feel like commas linking each action together so that I can come multiple times and still want more.
Different actions and sensations lead to different kinds of orgasms too. The feeling of an orgasm when my Master uses his whole fist in my cunt is like the giddy abandon of when you’d twirl round and round until dizzy as a child before letting go and feeling you could fly for a second before immediately wanting to do it again.
And when Princess gets me up on my knees and strokes either side of my clit with two fingers and makes me squirt all over the bed my orgasm is in two stages. The first moment of cold liquid squirting from my cunt making way for the warm floaty feeling of pleasure rushing up from my toes to my mind.
Putting the Doxy deep inside my cunt makes me ejaculate almost the same way as a man so that my orgasm sneaks up on me and I lose control of my senses and my cunt momentarily glad to see the evidence that I’m still with the world. These orgasms are the kind that tend to tip my body over its threshold and mainly occur when I’m on my own or my Master is pushing me to breaking point.
Something about another person there seems to keep me grounded and my body behaving so now I’m wondering if two people in the form of a threesome would be practically medicinal…?