John Holmes

I think we all know I like that John Holmes toy a lot. It’s gone from being a monster I could barely manage any of to my standard dildo these days and it never fails to please me or my Master when I use it.

I was aware that it’s modelled on the real life cock of legendary porn star John Holmes thanks to the booklet that comes with it when you buy it. But I had no idea his life was quite as dramatic as it was until my best friend sent me a link to this essay about him from Rolling Stone magazine the other night.

Almost as long as his cock, it’s well worth a read especially if you like good journalism or true crime. I always thought the film Boogie Nights was based on his life, but they clearly toned it down a bit to get their Oscar nominations. I can see why.

But a little trip round Google lead me to discover that John Holmes did not exactly tone it down in his porn career. Many of the clips are available on PornHub and his cock really was as eye-poppingly huge in real life as in its silicone namesake.

It’s a pity he really does look like a pervy accountant to off set a cock like that, but I was amused and surprisingly aroused by some of the porn clips. We’ll skip over the fascination with fifteen year old girls in them but they look like real people fucking for fun which is sorely missing for me in a lot of modern porn.

I don’t like that slickness with mainstream porn where each sexual act is a tick box and the orgasm is literally a money shot to sell as many clips as possible. There’s something far too brisk and business-like about a lot of porn these days. Like watching people have one night stands where they try to score sexual points rather than enjoy many perverted pleasures human bodies can combine to offer.

I like my smut more realistic than styled and enjoyed the fact the John Holmes’ clips had that amateur reality instead of professional glossiness that somehow renders sex decidedly unsexy. I do see where the unfortunate trope of bad acting in the non porn bits comes from though!

I think I’m going to find it very interesting indeed the next time I play with my John Holmes toy after that little history lesson though…

John Holmes

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