I don’t know if it’s another sign that the world is getting more conservative while it goes to hell in a handcart but I keep reading problem pages and articles written by people feeling angered and betrayed that their partner masturbates.
I don’t just mean people whose partners masturbate solely to the exclusion of sexual activity with them or in ways that may cause issue to their relationship which is of course different and potentially problematic.
But genuinely people who believe that once you have a partner you should never ever masturbate because to so is a form of cheating or betrayal or rejection toward them. The world seems to be increasingly full of men feeling territorial toward their wife’s vibrator and women who believe wanking to internet porn at all is the equivalent of an affair.
There is so much about this that is not good. It perpetuates that idea that masturbation is always second best and something inferior to sex with another person. It also suggests that many people see having a relationship as some kind of claim on another person’s sexuality which is so terrifying to me I probably won’t sleep tonight.
Yes, I only have permission to masturbate when my Master allows me to but that’s a mutually agreed D/s relationship and also a gift given so I can have more sex with Princess and perform more for my Master.
Very different to believing that because you have sex with someone they no longer have the choice and opportunity to masturbate or to fantasise and explore their own sexuality in their head or body. That level of possessiveness without the clear consent and interaction of both parties is alarming to me.
I also think it can’t be particularly good for your mental health to be prohibited from having a relationship with yourself or to keep it a secret cloaked in shame and performed in hidden ways. It’s such pressure to render sexual activity so sacred as to never be done because you’re just horny or want to go to sleep or have period pain or you’re reliving a favourite fantasy or are thinking your partner who is away for the weekend or what you plan to do with them next time you fuck together.
It puts enormous pressure on sexual activity together in a couple if your only source of sexual pleasure, thoughts or orgasms with your partner. It makes you reliant on each other no matter whether life and sex drives make that feasible. I just imagine it breeding such incredible resentment if you have to allowed to have an orgasm by someone else who is more interested in making sexual pleasure more scarce rather than more available.
That’s not to knock that sometimes abstaining makes you much much hornier and ready for sexual pleasure. It’s about the pattern of continually saying masturbation is shameful or must be repressed for the good of your commitment. That’s the problem with that mentality for me.
It feels like it closes off so much opportunity for intimacy and sexual joy for me. It’s an act of trust to masturbate for your partner as well as often helping both of you know what each other likes more when you are fucking each other.
And what is better for the ego than you partner reacting to you with their urge to masturbate thinking about you or responding to you thinking about them? I made my Master hard at work the other day with a casual comment and it put me in a good mood all afternoon.
Knowing he has video clips of me (and Princess) to use any time he wants is glorious while I keep videos and photos of Princess playing with herself on my phone to see how long I can go without relenting and begging my Master for permission to come.
In fact maybe I should celebrate the fact that masturbation is such a big part of my relationship with both my Master and Princess by learning to beg more often…?