Self Pleasure

I don’t know if it’s another sign that the world is getting more conservative while it goes to hell in a handcart but I keep reading problem pages and articles written by people feeling angered and betrayed that their partner masturbates.

I don’t just mean people whose partners masturbate solely to the exclusion of sexual activity with them or in ways that may cause issue to their relationship which is of course different and potentially problematic.

But genuinely people who believe that once you have a partner you should never ever masturbate because to so is a form of cheating or betrayal or rejection toward them. The world seems to be increasingly full of men feeling territorial toward their wife’s vibrator and women who believe wanking to internet porn at all is the equivalent of an affair.

There is so much about this that is not good. It perpetuates that idea that masturbation is always second best and something inferior to sex with another person. It also suggests that many people see having a relationship as some kind of claim on another person’s sexuality which is so terrifying to me I probably won’t sleep tonight.

Yes, I only have permission to masturbate when my Master allows me to but that’s a mutually agreed D/s relationship and also a gift given so I can have more sex with Princess and perform more for my Master.

Very different to believing that because you have sex with someone they no longer have the choice and opportunity to masturbate or to fantasise and explore their own sexuality in their head or body. That level of possessiveness without the clear consent and interaction of both parties is alarming to me.

I also think it can’t be particularly good for your mental health to be prohibited from having a relationship with yourself or to keep it a secret cloaked in shame and performed in hidden ways. It’s such pressure to render sexual activity so sacred as to never be done because you’re just horny or want to go to sleep or have period pain or you’re reliving a favourite fantasy or are thinking your partner who is away for the weekend or what you plan to do with them next time you fuck together.

It puts enormous pressure on sexual activity together in a couple if your only source of sexual pleasure, thoughts or orgasms with your partner. It makes you reliant on each other no matter whether life and sex drives make that feasible. I just imagine it breeding such incredible resentment if you have to allowed to have an orgasm by someone else who is more interested in making sexual pleasure more scarce rather than more available.

That’s not to knock that sometimes abstaining makes you much much hornier and ready for sexual pleasure. It’s about the pattern of continually saying masturbation is shameful or must be repressed for the good of your commitment. That’s the problem with that mentality for me.

It feels like it closes off so much opportunity for intimacy and sexual joy for me. It’s an act of trust to masturbate for your partner as well as often helping both of you know what each other likes more when you are fucking each other.

And what is better for the ego than you partner reacting to you with their urge to masturbate thinking about you or responding to you thinking about them? I made my Master hard at work the other day with a casual comment and it put me in a good mood all afternoon.

Knowing he has video clips of me (and Princess) to use any time he wants is glorious while I keep videos and photos of Princess playing with herself on my phone to see how long I can go without relenting and begging my Master for permission to come.

In fact maybe I should celebrate the fact that masturbation is such a big part of my relationship with both my Master and Princess by learning to beg more often…?

Self Pleasure


Shortly after I started sleeping with Princess, my Master ordered her to look the part of a slutty wife who fucks other women with her husband. He sent her to the hairdresser to get the blondest highlights she could get and made me so with her to make sure it wasn’t too tasteful and innocent looking.

That particular evening finished back at my house with Princess unaware my Master was here and filming her licking my cunt on the sofa and then the three of us making sure her beautifully blow dried hair was definitely bed head by the end.

She hasn’t had her highlights done since sadly but yesterday my Master ordered her to and she amused herself during the hours it took deciding what she could do with my cunt later when we met up.

Her hair looked fantastic. Very very blonde in the way that make her look even more innocent in polite company and twice as slutty in my company. I approved heartily and wasn’t surprised that my Master wanted a photo of her hair while she was licking my cunt.

Normally Princess loves to get face first into my cunt at any opportunity but yesterday she decided to tease me by using her hands first. And I was so horny for her. It’s been a while since we had the chance to play properly and it went straight to my cunt.

I’d already lost count of the orgasms she’d given me playing with my clit as we lay on my sofa when she started again doing something with her fingers either side of my piercing that felt incredible and just built and built into more and more pleasure.

And then completely and utterly unexpectedly whatever she was doing to my ridiculously turned on clit made me squirt so hard both of us could actually hear the sound of it happening.

I wanted to say something but I couldn’t do anything for the next few minutes except have an orgasm so intense I wasn’t sure if I was in my own body or not while it was happening. When I could put myself back together again afterwards Princess was shocked to see just how much I’d squirted on the sofa.

Didn’t stop her pushing me back on the patch again while she licked my cunt to another orgasm to make sure my Master got his photograph of her hair and I lost all ability to think straight again. I like this new blonder version of Princess a lot…



I thought I’d got as far with my waist training as I could. Not as far as the 24″ that my Master set me last year but comfortably into the 26″ corset and used to wearing the waist trainer everyday.

My slight smugness at recently being able to lie down or eat more easily in the waist trainer made me think I’d developed talents I never imagined I’d have when my Master suggested the waist trainer this time last year.

Then I washed my waist trainer just once too often in the machine. And one of the steel bones poked through in a distinctly uncomfortable fashion. Time to buy a new one clearly or risk ruining my glamorous image.

Waist trainers are becoming easier to buy thanks to their popularity with the Kardashians who have brought them mainstream outside Spanish and South American culture where women wear them to support their muscles while they heal after childbirth.

You can pay a lot of money for a waist trainer but I find the more expensive they are the more they make me think of what my grandmother might have called a girdle and tend to look sturdy rather than sexy.

I favour this brand off Amazon which aren’t stupidly expensive, don’t look too practical and provide decent cinching support. Mine lasted a good six months being worn daily and washed regularly until it split on me.

The only downside I discovered is that it also stretches quite considerably in that time. It wasn’t my expertise at wearing it but rather more give in it over the last few months. The replacement one is about 1.5 inches smaller than the well worn one in fact.

And I got quite a shock when I tried to hook the new one up. It was so so much tighter that I thought it wasn’t going to fit. I mean it doesn’t help that it’s quite hard to see over my tits to do it up but a bit of contortion and I had it snug on the second hooks.

If you’ve never worn a waist trainer before you will be shocked by how tight it feels. It really does hold you and compress you and chances are the first week or so, you’ll only manage it for short periods of time at once rather than all day.

But if you’ve ever worn any kind of ‘shaping underwear’ the waist trainer is much easier. It nips you in rather than simply squeezing everything into a different shape and position and gives a much sleeker feel especially under clothes that you can sit and stand in without feeling like it will slide down all the time.

However it’s also designed to ‘use thermal technology to help train your waist’ which means wearing something made of heavy rubber right by your bare skin will make you sweat. I don’t find that a particular issue as I’m a woman who is part lizard but others might it problematic.

In fact reading all the hype about the waist trainer made me really sceptical when my Master suggested it but I’ve fallen in love with it. Princess hates how constricting it feels to her yet for in an example of how opposite we are to each other, I revel in it.

It feels supportive and somehow comforting to be held in like that and putting the new waist trainer on today and being reminded how firm and tight it should be put a spring in my step. Each reminder of it felt like submission over and over again.

Maybe I’ll manage to train my waist that little bit further now I’ve been reminded…?



Going on a date last week reminded me how much men love the idea of slutty women. But annoyingly it also reminded me that for most men they haven’t got past the thought that slutty women are an idea rather than fully formed human beings.

There seems to be a belief somewhere that being a slutty woman means you aren’t privy to the same social niceties as other people. That by enjoying sucking cock you’ve forfeited the need for decent manners from men.

I will pause to caveat this with two things: yes, I know it’s not all men. But put in this way in the nearly 25 years I’ve been fucking men, I could count the ones who can handle a slut on one hand. Both if I’m being really generous.

And second, most men don’t know they are doing it because slutty women don’t tell them. This is because often it’s just not worth our effort. Do you go back to a restaurant to tell them what they could have improved or do you go somewhere else?

But also it because men don’t listen to slutty women and respect what they have to say. Your sluttiness makes you invalid to them. So when you do tell them you aren’t happy with their behaviour they can simply choose to ignore you because you’re slutty and not one of those ‘nice girls’ they care about impressing.

The madonna/whore complex is alive and kicking day in day out. There’s the women that men will date with a view to marrying and having kids with. Then there’s the women they fuck, including the ones they fuck behind the back of the lucky woman who won the IKEA trips and family dinners jackpot of dating them.

And there’s a gulf a mile wide between the two which interestingly can only exist when men believe that they and a wedding ring are the ultimate catch. It falters at the first step if men don’t regard their sheer existence as the prize. What happens when they meet a woman like me who has never had any interest at all in that idea of commitment?

Usually they love it. None of those tiresome social snakes and ladders games of third dates and buying drinks and rules. Just a girl who is offering orgasms with seemingly no catch of social niceties. It’s too good to be true that filthy women exist without pay off so who could resist?

The problem is that most men those social expectations give them purpose and power. So when they meet a woman who really wants no strings attached sex without secretly falling in love with you or being impressed by your money or position, they feel oddly confused.

They’ve been brought up to believe that women never say what they mean and they always have ulterior, usually money grabbing, motives so the idea that a woman only wanted the fun of your dick and nothing more leaves them oddly defensive. Their prestige as a man doesn’t seem valuable here and even worse, she meant what she said and one cock isn’t enough to change her life, not even yours. You haven’t fucked her different. She’s still a slut.

And that makes men defensive. Instead of enjoying the fact that you find them, not their external persona, so damned hot you want to spend time with them and fuck them and have uncomplicated filthy fun sex while still respecting them as people, many men sulk and get defensive and disrespectful.

They assume that a woman who enjoys casual sex doesn’t need manners or those silly social niceties. They can sulk and whine about not being invited to spend the night, sit on a date where they neither buy a drink or share the emotional labour of conversation but leave her to do it all and suck his dick later or they ask to change the Craigslist ad you explicitly arranged to suit their schedule because they see their time as more important than yours.

They don’t say thank you for a date or a fuck. They don’t call for days or weeks until they get horny again and then booty call you when they have nothing better to do. They fit a fuck with you into their Google calendar rather than making you feel like they want to see you specifically and they ask nothing about what you want sexually, assuming dominant means do what they like.

And if you say anything about this behaviour they shrug it off with either seeing you as a bit hysterical and unrealistic due to being slutty or that you are now falling in love with them and reneging on your ‘cool girl‘ slutty self and letting them down. Both are so easy to write off that you don’t need to look at your behaviour toward me but assume it’s all my shit.

That’s what leads to last week’s date throwing a strop about not staying over and ignoring me for a week before asking for sex without so much as a ‘hello, how are you’ and then ignoring my Whatsapp block to email me to tell me how much I’d regret not seeing him again and how he’d be nice enough not to harrass me after telling him I wasn’t free to meet again ever.

It boils down to the basic fact that if you are a woman they fuck rather than date, they see no point in wasting their energy on manners and pleasantries. That’s what to do to impress women into sex not because they really think women are worth the same manners as everyone else.

The subtle message is that they like your sexuality but they don’t want it encumbered with the messiness of a human being with emotions and needs and feelings. They just want the fun without the reality and tell themselves a woman asking not to be insulted or ignored or undermined for enjoying sex is being ‘needy’ or demanding and getting in the way of their orgasm.

I think we’ve established elsewhere in this blog that I’m a slow learner, but I’ve finally reached my fucking limit with this. I am sick of having to point out that because I enjoy casual sex with men I am not lesser than any other woman. In fact being well mannered and respectful to women like me is likely to result in a world of filthy fun.

Yes, I’m sure women can be equally unpleasant and objectifying to men on an individual level and I am not condoning bad behaviour from anyone. I’ve been a bitch a few times without meaning to with men and I can forgive social clumsiness. And I know how hard is to shake of the cultural conditioning that puts men and women in these roles from early on.

But there’s a social endorsement of men’s behaviour toward sexually available women from mainstream media to the way sex work is regarded to the discourse around stag nights and dating to the point that it’s part of stereotypical (toxic) masculinity now with ‘alpha males’ and ‘PUA‘ culture that is totally different.

This is what I’m sick of because for a very long time I believed it must be something about me because it was so widespread. You know what they say? When everyone else is always the asshole, you are probably the asshole after all?

I was sure it was something about how I presented my sluttiness and myself that men reacted like this all the time. But then I met my Master and he is completely unlike these men. He approaches that sluttiness as something that is valuable as part of me rather something to used and then feel furious with yourself about. And his decency means he reaps the rewards of myself and my slutty tendencies to full effect.

But still the other men around me treat me the same and I have finally realised it can’t be my fault that I get catcalled all the time, commented on, have work relationships turn into someone getting their cock out on me or men turn up on my door at 7am after I’ve told them no and expect a cookie for not harassing me further.

It must be something about men’s attitudes to women’s sexuality rather than my individual response after all. And that’s where after so many words I run out. I don’t know what to say to change men’s behaviour because I’m damned if I’m changing myself again for them…

*FYI: all the examples here are real life ones from the last year of my life. Any further back would require the entire internet’s worth of writing to note them all.



Princess doesn’t like tights. Or that’s what she told me when we first met. But she’s enjoyed a few occasions of playing with me while I’ve been wearing them, feeling me get wetter and wetter under her hand still wearing a pair under a dress or short skirt.

But I don’t think that’s influenced her as much as my love of black fishnets. They have the effect of making any outfit look as slutty as I feel. It’s impossible to look demure in a pair of them.

So I wasn’t entirely surprised when she sent me some lesbian smut from Tumblr that prominently featured fishnets and suggested that I wore them the same way some time for her.

tumblr-postClearly I’m losing my talent for delayed gratification from spending time with Princess and her brattiness is rubbing off on me because I wore my fishnets the next time I saw her as a massive hint that I had been thinking about what she’d said.

It didn’t take very long before she was playing with my cunt through the fishnets with me kneeling over her on my sofa just wearing the tights and kissing her as she made me orgasm hard leaning my tits in her face.

She wasn’t content with just one orgasm so started licking my clit through the fishnets. I’ve had many many thoughts about having fishnets ripped open and being fucked through them, but for some reason being licked through them never occurred to me.

But I know I’ll be thinking about that particular sensation a lot afterwards because it felt so good. And it looked amazing too. Princess on her hands and knees, gorgeous ass up in the air, big eyes staring at me enjoying her tongue on my cunt.

It made me so turned on that when she took a photo of my cunt to show me, my clit had swelled up so much my piercing had actually slipped inside the clitoral hood which alarmed me afterwards when I thought it had fallen out. Who knew it could play hide and seek?

That moment of mild peril was well worth the orgasm though. And I love the photo too. It reminds me how much I love my clit piercing. Looks so good and feels so good…




So my Master definitely allowed me the loophole of the wand in that video last night and thoroughly enjoyed watching it which allowed me the opportunity for my reward. He told me I had to decide between one orgasm or five but to choose very carefully.

You’d think the answer was obvious. Who wouldn’t pick five orgasms over just the one? The person who knows my Master as well as I do is who. He has this slightly sadistic streak that bubbles over every so often which I secretly love but am a little tiny bit wary of too.

Five orgasms seemed too good to be true somehow but then again only one orgasm being held up as equivalent made me suspect that my Master had something terrifying there up his sleeve that would leave me helpless.

During the afternoon he asked me which way I was leaning and I said that five was such a nice number. Knowing me well he enquired if that was a temptation or a decision. I replied that it was both.

Meaning a temptation and a decision but my Master did check if my terrible maths were at play again before giving my orders. I was to watch the video I sent him in full while fucking myself with the John Holmes toy without coming at all. Then I was to watch it again in full with the huge cock in my cunt and the Doxy on my clit and come five times while I was.

I enjoyed the video even more watching it again and knowing my Master liked it so much. Plus I do love fucking myself with that John Holmes toy. The size and weight of it hit all the right parts of my cunt and it just seems to fit me so well now. I had to vary to my fucking on more than one occasion to prevent myself from letting myself come but I managed the whole almost twelve minutes without coming.

But when I put the Doxy on my clit and replayed the video I lasted just under a minute before the first orgasm. The second wasn’t far behind when I turned the toy up straight after the first. Then it seemed ridiculous not to have the third in that first three minutes too.

I needed to catch my breath after that for a moment or two and I didn’t have the fourth orgasm until the bit where he flicks her cunt with his fingers and my cunt just responded immediately with another orgasm imagining trying it on my piercing.

After that combination of breather and orgasm, I was ready to run the Doxy full speed and come ridiculously hard for the fifth time with the John Holmes deep inside and my feet lifting off the bed.

I texted my Master to thank him for the five orgasms and tell him that my clit was orgasmed out but that I still didn’t want to take the huge cock out of my cunt as I lay there recovering.

His reply was that I wasn’t done yet. I’d said both to five orgasms and one orgasm and I was going to ride that massive cock to one last orgasm on his orders without question or argument.

It took me a lot of willpower to get onto my knees with shaking legs and ride the cock hard enough to come because I genuinely wasn’t sure if I’d be able to manage my sixth orgasm in fifteen minutes. But somewhere I managed it before collapsing in a heap of exhaustion and lube.

He really shouldn’t encourage me to keep being so bad at maths…



My Master gave me an order last night to find a video that had both an impressive outfit and some impressive fucking and share it with him (and you all.) If the video impressed him more than the image he had in mind, I’d get a reward.

It was trickier than I imagined. His exact words were ‘ an outfit that amazes you and makes you wet’ and it’s incredibly difficult to match the small amount of porn I find a turn on with a good outfit.

But this video of a catsuit and harness leapt out at me. Apart from the bit where he touches the soles of her feet, I could imagine myself in the situation with my Master to the point where both times I watched it, I was picturing how I’d sound while he did those things to me.

I’ve never had any particular interest in bondage before but something about the helplessness and submissiveness of her arms and legs being bound (and how impressive that white latex looks round her tits) went straight to my cunt.

I’m just hoping my Master will accept forced orgasms with the wand as fucking since I liked the video so much…