Hard to Explain

It took me a while when I first met my Master to understand that he enjoyed playing games with me and D/s but that didn’t mean he wasn’t serious about those games and didn’t value them.

I was brought up with the incredibly contradictory and confusing idea that games were both ridiculously childish and yet so deadly serious that they must be won at all costs. This gave me a strong distrust of people who can’t enjoy a game but can only be competitive over them and yet made me think that to ever play games with someone was a negative thing.

I had never met people who enjoyed the skills of a game beyond winning and liked to challenge themselves through the nuances of them and use them as a social tool to bring people closer together. My experience was more people using nefarious tactics to win at all costs and thus being divisive.

I had also in my early twenties had some professional dealings with people in the kink scene who treated the idea of BDSM incredibly achingly seriously. They set very specific rules as to what made you truly kinky and allowed to play giving the whole idea an oddly exclusive feel where you were never allowed in.

This gave me the idea that you had to be the right kind of person to be kinky and I wasn’t that kind of person so I ended up stuck in the vanilla world feeling confused and out of place because those people seemed to not know what to do with me either.

Vanilla people took my genuine innate love of sex and being slutty and saw it as shallow and somehow unbecoming while the kinky people I’d met seemed to think my love of sex and sluttiness made me not serious enough. Neither group seemed to want sex to be a fun game but for different reasons.

Then I met my Master and he loves games on so many levels from the problem solving aspect of them or using them to push people out of their comfort zone to simply having fun and using them to get to know people better.

It took me a while to catch up to the idea that for him games are not manipulative or exploitative but all about uncomplicated enjoyment. No bullshit, simply having a good time and making progress as you go.

So it seems apt that when I saw him and Princess on Saturday with some friends of his, we all played a (completely non sexual) board game for entertainment which I’ve never actually done with him before.

It combined a lot of alcohol and a mix of charades and Cards Against Humanity to fit the number of us playing. I couldn’t even look at my Master when it got to my go and I turned the card over to discover my task was to describe ‘asserting your dominance’.

That’s very much my Master’s game and one he’s very good at. I definitely couldn’t compete there…

Hard to Explain

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