As I mentioned I’ve been rather out of the kink loop recently. Amongst other things, an old health issue has reappeared and laid me low rather than allowing me to get laid and my libido has been a shy quiet thing because of it.
I’m so used to being strongly driven by my sexual urges that always leaves me slightly adrift when they aren’t there as if part of me is missing or not clicking into place properly. Being submissive to my Master is such a prominent part of my time, energy and attention that to be unable to be active about it unsettles me somehow.
On a practical level I don’t quite know what to do with all the extra time on my hands when I’m not feeling sexual. Even my interest in things like reading about sex or kink fades at this stage, a bit like not caring what’s on a menu when you aren’t hungry.
So suddenly so much of what usually piques my interest leaves me neutral and yet I lack the long term interest to take up another hobby instead. It’s a strange limbo that I want to snap out of and yet can’t completely kickstart either.
I just have to wait for my body to essentially wake that side of me up again and come out of hibernation. There are a few things I can do to start luring it out. After a period of time in pyjamas and slippers, I can start wearing clothes I feel attractive in again or start sending flirtier Whatsapp messages to Princess again.
And those small steps help. Having not been able to muster the wherewithal to shave my cunt for a couple of weeks, making the effort again at the weekend almost immediately resulted in having a dream that night that woke me up with an orgasm in my sleep.
Next thing I was back to wearing the waist trainer for a while and feeling more like myself again and voila, another sexually charged dream about being fucked by a couple the same night. No no effort orgasm in my sleep this time but the temptation to help myself along as I woke up to the urge.
But better than the orgasm was the deliberate choice not to scratch the itch and actively follow the order that my Master doesn’t allow me to masturbate and thus get back to my submissive self even slowly.
Hopefully holding off the action but encouraging the thoughts also helps me horny enough to get back to actual fucking sooner rather than later. I miss the feel of fucking both my Master and Princess…