I have always hated the word slut. Growing up in Ireland it was originally associated with being the kind of woman who didn’t keep her house clean enough to get married and be respectable.
Then when I was a teenager it took on the more sexual term most people knew that you weren’t a nice girl. You were cheap and not worth respect if you were a slut. It was a word designed to shame and isolate.
But at the same time I knew I was a slut and that those people were in the wrong about what the word meant. Being slutty was a part of me in the same way that having pale skin was. It was inbuilt and it didn’t mean I wasn’t worth being valued.
I just liked having lots of sex with lots of people all of whom I was capable of treating well in return and I couldn’t understand why so many people see sexual preferences as some indicator of morality.
I never quite grew to be ashamed of being a slut, but I became conflicted about feeling like I should be. I definitely restricted some of my sexual behaviour the more I was viewed that way and resented that I did.
So the first time my Master called me slut, I bristled. The second time he did it, I didn’t mind. The third time I liked it because I knew his motivation wasn’t to shame, but to congratulate.
Now when he calls me slut it feels like an achievement and it makes me practically purr like a cat getting its head stroked. I love the recognition of something that is an essential part of me.
But he’s only person who can call me slut. He’s earned it after all. Yet it doesn’t stop a number of strange men in the street using the word as I walk past. Walking home last night at 7pm in a long sleeved top and trousers, one man called me a ‘slutty bitch’ and another whistled and called me ‘slut’.
I was incensed. Not only did it remind me of those people who use the word to shame women, but it insults my Master’s property now. I just grit my teeth when it happens and remind myself that men who shame women lose out by not getting the full fun of their slutty behaviour and that’s perfect punishment….