I’m so glad last year was the year I decided to start keeping a diary because it’s fascinating looking back and seeing what stage my training from my Master was back then. In amongst the details of the rest of my life, it makes me smile to see the tasks he had set me and how I reacted to them.

It’s hard to believe that the biggest one of all was exactly a year ago when he gave me my collar. Traditionally a physical collar worn around the neck, in the D/s community it is a sign of commitment and ownership.

In offering a collar a dominant agrees to take on the responsibility and care inherent in owning another person and in accepting a collar, the submissive agrees to respect and serve their dominant.

Within protocols there are different types of collars and the exact significance varies within each relationship, but it is a high honour often regarded as similar to the level of commitment suggested by an engagement ring in non D/s relationships.

I had never heard of this aspect of the collar and assumed they were simply a rather hot prop that got used in BDSM play because it looked good and was a fun way to denote roles. Also a lot of my kinky friends are into pet play so I never looked beyond the surface style. I just liked the look of black leather.

I was also distracted by the tasks my Master was setting. They were increasingly complicated and intense and demanding of my attention. I loved them. I was still seeing other people apart from him but he was the only person holding my attention past their cock being hard.

He combined the two aspects by setting me a challenge to put an online ad on a hook up site saying I was a submissive cock sucking slut and suck three men’s cocks in a week. My reward if I completed the task was that he would collar me.

Unaware of what that meant, I was slightly nervous to whether this was a genuine reward or simply something else challenging. After Googling it all on his orders, I discovered it was both at the same time.

To say that I had never done commitment before in my life sounds like an understatement but in reality I’d never so much as left a toothbrush at a man’s house before. The idea of significant jewellery was so far outside my comprehension that I simply concentrated on sucking cock instead.

I completed my task with a male stripper I was dating, a total stranger from online with good dirty talk who turned out to know several people in common and a cute guy who turned out to have an equally cute cock and a distinctly un-cute attitude to slutty girls.

The collar wasn’t mentioned again for several months which in some ways suited me nicely so I could slowly acclimatise myself to the whole idea of commitment without panicking and running away.

I concentrated on tracking down somewhere to get my clit piercing instead and somehow I wasn’t surprised when my Master told me it would be my collar. Body modification suited me better than wearing an external item and I guessed we’d both enjoy the results.

On the day of the piercing my Master came round to see me before and brought me a gift of the John Holmes toy which he fucked me with before coming in my mouth and sending me off to the piercer thinking of him.

The actual piercing was surprisingly easy, hurting less and being quicker than most bikini waxes I’ve had. I loved the look of the piercing immediately although it took a few weeks to get used to the feel of it both day to day and sexually.

I loved how excited it made my Master though and that told me that I had done exactly the right thing agreeing to being owned by him. It’s hard to believe how much has developed since then but the fact I’ve only had the teeniest tiniest wobble about commitment in that time and managed to build upon it tells me that permanently changing for my body for my Master was the best decision I’ve ever made…


True Friendship

I only owned two sex toys before I met my Master: a tiny basic vibrator from Lovehoney and my wand. I was so ambivalent about sex toys I’d only bought one of them in fact and barely used either toy much.

Part of this is because my first love for orgasms has always been a hand rather than a toy. My Master has taken both techniques up a notch in the time I’ve known him though and it’s hard to remember that I didn’t always love my wand like I do now.

In fact I was so disinterested in sex toys at that stage, my wand was actually a birthday present from a friend. Designed to encourage me to its charms and away from finding strange men to fuck when I wanted an orgasm, it was an interesting gift to open in a restaurant.

Its appearance was met with a mix of hushed reverence and gleeful lust that gave me a new insight into several friends’ interests and some very high expectations for it. I ended up using it that night when the man I was seeing stood me up.

I’m not sure if it was the circumstances or the hype but the first time I used it was utterly underwhelming. I’m not even sure if I came, but it didn’t make up for sleeping alone that night.

I know I used it again, more than once, between then and meeting my Master but I don’t remember being blown away by it until he came on the scene and then I fell hard for the wand and its charms, even momentarily blacking out the first time my Master put it inside me on full power and made me come.

It also made me ejaculate for the first time and squirt with another person when Princess and I used it together recently. It never fails to get me off now and I remain fascinated by the variety of ways it can be used on anyone (men included.)

In fact I love it so much, the time has come for me to introduce a friend to it by buying her one for herself. I’m cooking her lunch today and passing her present on, bought while they are on offer on Lovehoney and while I had 25% off anything on the site as well.

I haven’t bothered making dessert as I’m expecting her to make an excuse about having a lot of work to do and leaving early once she sees what her gift is though…

True Friendship

Reading List

I was amused to get texts from my Master last night that he and Princess were in a hotel watching the Fifty Shades of Grey film and drinking steadily to numb the awfulness of it. He declared it the least sexy he’d ever seen and asked had I watched it.

I’m still not entirely recovered from the fact my Master set me the task to read all three books in the Fifty Shades trilogy a few months ago. I never worked out if it was a punishment for something or simply showing me just how appalling a representation of a D/s relationship the book really is.

Either way I read all fifteen hundred pages and didn’t get wet once. I kept waiting for the kink to actually start, but instead it was all materialism, marriage and babies rather than anything taboo breaking.

The only thing my inner goddess learned was that I’m really not wired to enjoy vanilla sex. I need kink to keep my interest both mentally and sexually. It’s slightly frustrating to have learned that my kink is D/s just as such a bad representation of it hits the mainstream, but also useful to have that confirmation that I need my sex more complicated.

My Master asked me to give Princess a reading list of other books that show D/s in a better light and these are all ones I’ve read and enjoyed enough to either get wet or squirm at reading in a public place:

The Secret Life of a Submissive by Sarah K: ignore the Fifty Shades style marketing and the fact it’s a Sunday Times bestseller. It’s better and raunchier than you’d expect from both. There’s an excellent scene in a wood that you’ll certainly remember.

The Diary of a Submissive by Sophie Morgan: a proper girl next door discovers submission in real life with none of the magic thinking of Fifty Shades. Good on the whole why do I enjoy submitting if I’m an independent woman dilemma and the why do I enjoy domination if I’m a nice man question.

No Ordinary Love Story by Sophie Morgan: the sequel to the book above I found this much much hotter. I’d only bother going on holiday again if the mini break is like the one in this book…

My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets by Girl on the Net: I love love love GoTN’s writing. If you don’t read her blog, start right now and then buy the book. Absolutely filthy, it’s funny and slutty but never show offy. There’s a good mix of submission and emotion and I think there’s a couple of scenes I knew off by heart at one point such was their effect on me.

How a Bad Girl Fell In Love by Girl on the Net: another sequel, it talks a lot about submission in a relationship and how you keep on doing it with the same person without losing interest. Not at all soppy, it’s pretty sexy in places too.

Bound to You by Nichi Hodgson: rebranded to cash in on the Christian Grey bandwagon, this is another real life account of discovering D/s this time through sex work. It gets shitty reviews from people expecting more Fifty Shades so you can tell it’s worth a read.

On My Knees by Kristina Lloyd: a book of short stories on submission. I must have read the one involving a Sharpie and a set of hotel sheets at least ten times and never failed to get wet instantly.

Hopefully Princess will find something there she enjoys and my Master won’t have to punish me with the film. Although I’m struggling with this enforced abstinence while they are on holiday and it might work better than a cold shower…


Reading List

Cool As A…

2 cucumbers

I haven’t had much luck so far with my Master’s bottle challenge. I think it’s tricky to do you yourself with the angles of your own arms and the flat base of a bottle anyway, but also I’m a little out of practice as it’s been a while since I took a fist.

It’s also achingly stifling hot here in London and I want something cooling in my hot cunt right now. I’m irritable from the heat and the lack of orgasms and something chilled sliding into me immediately lifts my mood.

Luckily I found this squat cucumber in my local market the other day to fill that need. Shorter than the type you put in your sandwiches, but much more girthy, it’s exactly what I need to stretch me out again before my Master and Princess are back…

Cool As A…


Princess bottle

In the olden days you got a postcard from people when they were away, but the modern world allows your Master to send you Whatsapp videos of him fucking his wife with a cider bottle instead. All I had to do was add the sentiment ‘wish you were here’ myself.

Princess was stretched wider than I’ve ever seen her. Quite a leap from the pighole to a 330ml bottle but she’d managed it extremely well being fucked to a screaming orgasm and managing to leave me a voicemail in the process.

I was particularly impressed as I’ve never managed to take a bottle like this myself. I’ve fucked larger objects as you can tell from my Clips 4 Sale store but something about the shape of the flat base on a bottle has always defeated me.

So it was lucky I was drinking a cold beer in bed when my Master messaged me and set me this as a challenge to try while they are still away. I’m a little nervous as I think I’m a little out of practice on stretching at the moment but I think the submission will help.

I’d be interested to see if anyone else can manage the challenge and send me photos of it to encourage me though…


What’s In A Name?

vagina meme

I usually avoid Facebook and its cute euphemistic memes like raising awareness of breast cancer by simply putting the colour of your bra as your status. This is only loosely based in snobbery and more the fact I so rarely wear a bra.

But yesterday no less than three people posted a ‘name your vagina’ meme similar to one of those porn star name ideas. This time you use a list of names according to the initial of your first and second names.

I was set to ignore it when I glanced and noticed that according to the initial of my first name, my vagina name starts with Candy. I prefer my spelling though….

What’s In A Name?

Light Reading

I am a devotee to my Kindle these days. It makes it much easier to read things in public that might catch people’s eye and cause some surprise. That’s how I managed to read all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and didn’t mind a delay on the Tube last night as I read The Ethical Slut.

But occasionally I buy a ‘real’ book if I have to. I bought this one ‘A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting’ online a few weeks ago and then completely forgot about it. It took about three weeks to ship to me and I was very very confused when the postman handed me a sealed brown paper envelope this morning.

I ripped it open and laughed when I saw what it was and then went back to bed where I had some very interesting dreams. When I got up again, I made a cup of tea and lay in bed reading the book wondering if I’d learn anything.

And I did. I was reminded that fisting is the most intense sexual experience of my life both to give and receive. Just thinking back to the first times I’ve fisted Princess or my Master has fisted me gave me some of the same overwhelming pleasure and sensation the actual act does in person.

I’d also recommend the book if you’re interested in learning more about fisting from any vantage point. It’s informative without being patronising and it’s not too perky or American in its tone.

But remember it will take long enough to arrive that you’ll have forgotten about it so be careful who you open the package in front of…


Light Reading