Self Love

When Princess had things to celebrate this week and Sir wanted to mark the occasion with a little gift there was only one thing it could be. A beautiful glossy die cast Doxy all to herself. No more begging and borrowing mine as reward for good behaviour but her very own toy any time she wants.

She almost succumbed to the temptation to use it then and there before dinner but she delayed the gratification which impressed my Master (and me) no end. It does mean we get to try my Master’s idea of blindfolding her and seeing if she can tell the difference between my Doxy and the die cast version to prove her wand slut credentials once and for all.

But it also made think how different Princess and I are when it comes to masturbation. She loves it as much as fucking, treating it variously as pure enjoyment, self care and foreplay on a regular basis to the point I can almost always guess when she might be masturbating when she’s alone (although she usually surprises me with the number of times she manages to make herself come.)

I, on the other hand, very rarely masturbate especially for myself. I do enjoy masturbation when it is part of my training and submission to my Master or to prepare me for Princess. But I honestly can’t remember the last time I masturbated on my own terms. This is isn’t just because I’m so obedient to Sir’s orders but because it’s never really been my thing.

Before I started actually fucking I did masturbate to distract me from incredibly ridiculously horny all the time I felt as a teenager. I’d probably have done a lot better in my maths GCSE if I hadn’t spent as much time playing with myself when I should have been revising but as soon as I discovered cock in real life masturbation very much fell out of fashion in my world.

Given the choice between making myself come or finding a cock that could, I always picked the cock even if it meant getting dressed, going out and listening to a lot of small talk along the way. Maybe it was laziness or the lack of sex toys in my life at the time but I never looked forward to masturbation as an event in itself.

Even now it seems like second or third best to me and I can’t imagine just masturbating because I’ve got twenty minutes spare or need to get to sleep or had a stressful day. Instead of switching my brain off to concentrate on myself like that, it seems to send me more into myself in an unhelpful way and I find it surprisingly difficult to let go into an orgasm.

Focusing on someone else however relaxes my mind and my cunt completely and makes masturbation into something else entirely. Kind of a combination of enjoyment, performance and pleasure that really turns me on because it gives the other person the opportunity to masturbate too.

There’s something utterly glorious about that thought that makes my stomach pinch in pleasure and my cunt stretch open in anticipation. It’s my kind of audience and knowing I’ve got the feedback of turning someone else switches my brain off and turns me on like nothing else.

Maybe I just need to start asking my Master for permission to play more often and see if I can time it to when Princess is using her new Doxy since that won’t be as infrequent as I am….

Self Love

Limits

Princess is a wand slut. She loves the Doxy so much I sometimes think it might be the fourth member of our relationship. While I was struggling to scale up from the Lovehoney wand to the power of the Doxy, she was begging for it full speed on her clit first time.

And she’s actually taught herself to really embrace those deep rumbly vibrations and teach come harder for longer with the Doxy. Often she’ll have back to back orgasms with it where before she couldn’t keep anything even a fingertip against her clit after she’d come.

She was this greedy the other day when we’d been fucking on and off all day embracing the Doxy while I sucked on her nipples and sneaking it into the living room after I’d licked her cunt to another orgasm.

Unfortunately she’d given me so many orgasms all I could do was lie on the sofa to recover feeling her pressed against me as I lay there half asleep. I was suddenly aware that she was sliding down the sofa away from me and I knew she was picking up the Doxy before lying back against me.

I slipped my arm round her stomach as she put the Doxy against her still clothed cunt and turned it on the lowest speed. I could feel her whole body vibrating as I gently ran my hands over her body and then lightly smacked her cunt.

She paused and turned the toy up. I kept alternating between raking my nails down her skin with little pinches and pauses before another smack that sent the Doxy onto another speed. I was expecting her not to last very long on the highest setting but she surprised me.

She held the Doxy still and moved her cunt against it instead tensing her body back and forth against me and the toy as I could feel her whole body shake and vibrate before tipping into an orgasm so strong both her legs jerked off the sofa and the Doxy fell onto the floor.

She was as spent as me as she let the toy go and collapsed saying she couldn’t take anymore with both her body and cunt being numb and totally orgasmed out. I had no idea Princess had an orgasm limit especially with the Doxy.

But I knew she’d change her mind when she heard that my Master had finally bought her her own Doxy to play with as a reward for taking my fist a few weeks earlier

Limits

First Date

I promised you tales of my past sexual exploits and to start off I thought I might tell you about the time I gatecrashed a first date while out for a drink with a friend and ended up getting fucked.

I used to love a good night out but I’ve always hated the post work Friday night crush that spills into every available space in and around a pub. I used to get round it by having very sharp elbows and a total and utter lack of shame about standing so close to people leaving their table I practically slid over their knees as they stood up to grab their still warm seats.

It was inevitable this would catch up with me at some point and so it happened in that in a favoured pub in Shoreditch shortly after settling down with a close friend and a bottle of white wine one Friday night, a guy asked if he and the woman he was with could share the table and just sat himself down before we say no.

It was exactly the kind of arrogant bullshit that goes straight to my cunt if the guy is handsome enough and this guy was a knock out. Tall and dark with cheekbones you could cut yourself on and that look of barely suppressed filth. No wonder he was on a date.

I was drinking my wine and listening to my friend’s exploits with an investment banker she was dating at the time while enjoying the company and gradually I became aware that our neighbours were not having such a good time. Despite being squashed in close enough to feel each other breathe they were on two different dates.

She seemed to be on the kind of date that is auditioning for a boyfriend as she ticked off each relevant topic of career, five year plans, kids and what to call their first Labrador. He was responding to each intro with an attempt to flirt and create some kind of light hearted rapport that was tanking each time. It was a mismatched car crash neither of them was enjoying and I was fascinated.

I think he must have sensed my interest because he seemed to stop focusing quite as much on her and start to address his responses more generally to the table as if appreciating an audience. His date surprisingly did not feel the same way to begin with but as their tension approached actual argument she seemed to hope she could get two women on her side and gang up on him.

She certainly got my friend onboard almost immediately and with in minutes they were chatting like long lost friends leaving me to talk to him. And I was very receptive to his flirting which as soon as his date realised made her much more interested in him and plunged the table into a different sense of tension.

Being British, their answer to that was to buy more drinks and a second bottle of wine appeared on our table for my friend and I only for my new found frenemy to pull the ‘oh we must be somewhere else’ trick about twenty minutes later counting on the fact we’d stay where we were drinking free booze and whisk her date away before he could flirt further with me.

She hadn’t counted on me being just past the point of sober to behave and him having sneaked a beermat with his phone number onto the table before he left. I had texted him before she must have decided what they were doing next. His reply was prompt and to the point telling me to meet him in the Holiday Inn nearby in an hour.

My friend was oblivious to this all and my excuses for saying I was going home early for once on a Friday night and insisting on waiting with me at the bus stop before walking round the corner to her house. I had actually board the bus to get rid of her and go two stops down the road before doubling back to the hotel.

I felt like a fucking idiot when I was just on time and he wasn’t with no sign in the next ten minutes in bar or reception. I was debating whether to text him passive aggressively for embarrassing ┬áme or slink away and sober up. I was going with the second option when three digits appeared on my phone.

I was up the stairs and standing outside the hotel room seeing the door ajar before it occurred to me that curiosity is said to kill the cat. But I was certainly thinking only with my pussy when I pushed the door open to find him standing there completely naked and considerably cockier than he had even seemed in the pub.

He didn’t have to tell me to get on my knees. The next thing I knew I had my back pressed up against the closed door with his cock in my mouth too distracted to care if he was a serial killer or not only paying attention to my increasingly wet cunt.

He was certainly arrogant enough to make it all about himself first, stopping and backing away from me each time I hit the kind of stride on his cock that might make him come so that I had to crawl across the floor toward him to be allowed to start sucking him again.

I had got as far as the bed when he decided to pay me attention by flipping me onto it face first and pulling my jeans off and pressing his cock against my still clothed cunt so I ground against him until I was clearly desperate for him to fuck me

For a man who’d had his cock sucked to the point of orgasm repeatedly he fucked me hard and intensely until I came round him and then he pushed my face hard into the bed by my hair so my make up smudged as my eyes ran and I squirmed under him as he came into me for what felt like forever.

I was still face first in the bed legs hanging over the edge when he pulled my panties back into place and started threading my foot back into my jeans. Between being tipsy, fucked senseless and enjoying the powerlessness he’d created in me, I didn’t fight it letting him dress me and pull me to my feet and point me back towards the door where my coat and bag were and steer me out into the corridor.

I don’t remember either of us exchanging a single word and I was walking through reception looking exactly like I’d been fucked stupid and sent away again within an hour of arriving. I was too amused by how much his actual date would have freaked out his plans for the evening had been while I had embraced every inch of it…

First Date

Meet Me

I met my Master at the tail end of a gruelling year in many ways from a bad break up with an ill advised boyfriend, family issues and two close friends almost dying. Plus for added cliche I had had a wobble about why I wasn’t married and having babies in my mid thirties as that seems to be last acceptable point at which to be single and childless without being seen as desperate or having missed your chance somehow.

In lieu of finding anyone who agreed with my seemingly outlandish idea that relationships didn’t require marriage, babies or mortgages to validate how serious they were I was having a clandestine affair with a married man I knew through work. Being someone’s mistress seemed like the best compromise between not settling down in the suburbs and my temptation to never date again out of sheer bloody mindedness.

In the middle of this I went to a friend’s wedding and met my Master. I don’t remember how we were actually introduced out of all the people there when I knew no one except the bride and he wasn’t actually meant to be there having only stepped in a plus one to help out a friend.

This slight lapse means that my first impression of my Master was thinking he’d be absolutely filthy and that I’d very very much like to fuck him. My second impression took months to actually work out but right from the start he calmed me down. My usual cunt first think second self would have pursued a quick fuck with him and probably still sat down in time for dinner never to see him again.

Instead he got me to behave immediately and actually consider for once that fucking and running wasn’t a good idea (especially since I’d already fucked the married man earlier that day.) Instead we flirted all evening and by text for several months, meeting once more for a drink but nothing more.

I couldn’t read the situation as it was unlike anything else I was used to. It was like he was setting a pace and instead of being bored by a lack of fucking I was enjoying the chase. It was a full three months before things progressed from potential pleasantries into perverted fun.

In the space of about twenty minutes texting one evening just before Christmas we discussed kink and I had my hand down my knickers for him greedy for the pay off of all those months of waiting.

But it wasn’t quite as simple as it sounds. My cunt loved the idea of being told what to do but my heart and mind wasn’t so sure about being controlled. I was in the process of stepping away from people who felt entitled to control my life and I was cynical about walking towards someone saying they wanted me to obey them from the outset.

I don’t know if my Master sensed just how skittish I was about trusting anyone at this stage in my life or if he just assumed that I was being cautious about committing to kink. But he went very carefully introducing just enough moderation to each filthy text based task to make sure I had to obey each stage to get my rewards from him without barking orders at me that would make me bolt.

He offered me the full D/s relationship up front or a fling if I preferred and unable to trust my own judgement after a lifetime of bad judgements with men I opted for the latter not realising he was training me from the very outset.

The first time we fucked he left work early after I gave him my address and left my front door open so a man I’d met twice could let himself into my house and find me waiting for him with my fingers in my cunt. In that moment he proved to me that he would not misuse the trust I was putting in him.

For the first time I understood that introducing a power dynamic to a relationship didn’t mean only one person had power but that it was shared. That you can’t have dominance without willing and active submission and anything else is an abuse. I had always been led to believe that to want to submit was somehow weakness on my part and an excuse to misbehave on other people’s but here was a man who valued that submission.

It was incredibly hot. I don’t think I’d ever had as many orgasms as in that first six months that my Master was training me. But I also found it incredibly challenging. Considering how naturally it came to me to submit, it was an active effort to keep trusting and believe that the developing relationship was genuine.

The hardest part for me was that my Master never gave me any reason to doubt or distrust him and so I knew all that fear and hesitation was coming entirely from me and my baggage and that the only way for me to get past it was to outrun it. If I’d discussed it with my Master I knew I’d just be bringing a different edition of the same shit with me in my head.

Instead I kept going to see my therapist and concentrating on being so present in my submission I didn’t have room to carry anything else with me in my head that distracted from it. I didn’t imagine where the relationship was going or what it meant for the future (possibly a bit too much so I didn’t quite realise what the offer of the collar really meant from him at the time.)

I was just sure there would be a moment when the submission and my ability to trust would feel equally easy and create an equilibrium and I’d know that that shit was in the past rather than trying to muscle in on the present all the time.

And I was right. That moment was actually the first time my Master introduced Princess and I in our first threesome when I went from thinking ‘what if?’ as if looking back about everything he instructed me to do and started thinking ‘why not?’ as if looking forward. That ┬ámoment I began to trust myself as much as I trusted him.

Being my usual slightly slow self it took me a while to see the emotional significance of the particular moment but now makes perfect sense. I can’t imagine a relationship with my Master without Princess and vice versa but at the time I simply couldn’t believe how different my life was in the space of a year with my Master being so patient with me.

Turns out you can do a lot when you trust the right person to make decisions for you….

Meet Me

Oh Her Knees

Princess loved getting her nails painted last week and not just because I kept her from any bratty fidgeting by licking her cunt til she came. She definitely liked having perfectly painted nails to catch her eye during the week and remind her of my tongue each time.

So I wasn’t that surprised she asked me to paint her nails again this weekend. I took the opportunity to take charge and choose a beautiful glossy red polish that just screams slutty and sexy.

She sat so nicely with her hands out on the table making sure she followed her orders with each finger and thumb that I couldn’t help but reward her again with an orgasm while her nails dried. Such a good girl keeping her hands clear while fucking my face with her greedy cunt and then standing up when told so I could dress her again.

I wasn’t going to but to add temptation to the whole thing, I added a top coat to make Princess’s nails look particularly perfect and keep her still for longer. I sat back down on the sofa and sneakily cheekily flashed my cunt at her knowing she’d struggle to resist.

Lying back I watched as she knelt down in front of me holding her hands very carefully behind her back angled toward my pussy. Seeing my bratty girlfriend being so obedient went straight to my cunt and I was very happy to give her permission to use her tongue to find out just how wet I was.

Princess loves licking cunt anyway but I’ve never seen her like this before lapping and licking so eagerly she was bent forward barely able to balance with her hands behind her back and pressing her face further into my clit to hold herself up. It made me think what fun that spreader bar I bought a few weeks ago was going to be.

I let her make me come once in that position and then I allowed her to place her hands carefully on the tops of my thighs so that as she leaned forward she pulled my legs open even further to practically fuck my cunt with her whole mouth. All I could see when I glanced down was blonde hair and bright red nails against my pale skin.

I can’t remember if she made me come twice or three times but all I know is that I’ve never come from oral sex that way before. She left me so orgasmed out all I could do was lie on the sofa and smile at her still kneeling there like a very good girl….

Oh Her Knees

Return The Favour

Princess warmed me back to orgasms gently yesterday and it gave me a new lease of life. As invigorating as an afternoon nap, I was suddenly full of energy to reacquaint myself with her cunt as well as my own.

But I wanted to tease her. First I told her to take her top off and I ran my fingers along her stomach and arms feeling her wriggle under the light pressure. I brushed my hand across her bra feeling the warmth of her skin under the fabric, swirling my thumb round her nipple until it woke up under the pressure.

I slipped my hand inside her bra, pinching her now perked up nipples and played back and forth with them feeling her shiver and reach up toward me to kiss me hard. Just as she was distracted by that I took my other hand and trailed the back of it down her cunt so my knuckles grazed against her and her clit woke up too.

Pulling her panties off showed me her clit was so swollen it was obvious she wanted me to play with it immediately. I was feeling generous and nostalgic for it so I didn’t hold myself back pressing my fingers gently in small circles and feeling her whole body tense up with being turned on.

Her cunt was dripping wet and I couldn’t resist slipping two fingers into her and swirling them round in circles that stretch her open and make her greedy for more. I kept up the circular motion on her clit too and felt her cunt come to life under my fingers. I love that feeling when her cunt changes from smooth to swollen and desperate for an orgasm.

I almost lost my rhythm when she reached down to my own soaking wet cunt and crooked her finger just inside me which tipped me into an orgasm feeling how wet we both were together. But I wanted to make her lose control and come without abandon so it didn’t take me long to get my attention back.

Two fingers wide apart in her cunt and my thumb on her clit I bent over her and pulled her nipple into my mouth feeling all three so turned on under me. I nipped and pinched at her swollen nipple with my teeth and fucked her with my hand feeling her cunt tense and tighten before tipping into an orgasm that lifted her off the bed and closer to my hand and mouth.

She looked and felt so good like that I kept my hand where it was and lifted the Doxy onto her clit so we could do it all over again straightaway…

Return The Favour

Back To Reality

I haven’t been able to fuck for the last few weeks and I was starting to go stir crazy looking longingly at the cucumber I bought the other day and hiding my Doxy before it tempted me further.

It hadn’t occurred to me that when I have to abstain like this is also tests Princess or my Master. I suspect he can adjust better being a big fan of delayed gratification but Princess struggles more.

So when we ended up lying in bed yesterday afternoon, I felt her literally sigh and shiver with pleasure when she reached down and cupped her hand round my cunt and just held it for a while stroking it gently.

And gentle was what I needed. No penetration for once, just that feeling of exploration that becomes enjoyment. She stroked and then kneaded my cunt in the way I love that presses against my clit indirectly and my cunt came to life.

I couldn’t help but press down against her hand in that way that is all about more touching and more pleasure. My instinct in that moment is to rush into an orgasm like scratching an itch. My Master trained me out of it over months to savour the bit before the orgasm rather than see it as the means to an end and most of the time I do now.

But sometimes when you have that first reminder of skin on skin sexual contact you want to gulp the first orgasm down like a cold beer on a hot day and sit back with the warm buzz of it spreading through your stomach before you really taste the second drink.

Then Princess put her lips on my cunt and I couldn’t even attempt to hold back allowing my body to come hard to shake off the frustration and denial and then relax into a second orgasm watching Princess’s head bobbing up and down feeling my cunt settle in for more orgasms and an afternoon of fucking…

Back To Reality